Ever wonder how your parent’s alcoholism might affect your own future? Do you worry you could develop a substance use disorder? Are you scared you’ll fall into the same harmful and destructive patterns that your alcoholic parent did?

I’m here to set the record straight that while genetics have a major role, breaking the cycle of addiction in your family can begin with you. Let’s take a big, old deep breathe on this one.

Although these are difficult questions to consider, understanding your own risk of becoming an alcoholic is important for helping you live a happy, healthy, and fulfilling life. So what are the chances of becoming an alcoholic if you grew up with an alcoholic parent? Here’s everything you need to know:

If You Had an Alcoholic Parent, Are You More Likely to Become an Alcoholic?

The relationship between alcoholism and children who grew up with an alcoholic parent is complex, and researchers have conducted many types of studies to understand it. However, the short answer is yes: studies show that adult children of alcoholics are approximately four times more likely to develop an alcohol addiction than those who did not grow up with an alcoholic parent. You read that correctly. You and I are four times more likely to face a substance use disorder than someone who didn’t grow up with alcoholism in our house.

Yep. Grrrreat. When I first learned that stat, I felt a bit doomed, honestly. But then I thought it through. We experienced a lot – from topsy-turvy unpredictability to full-on abuse. Trauma with a capital T. It’s logical that if we don’t heal from that trauma, we’re more likely to turn to alcohol to cope with all the stuff that weighs us down.

Also muy interesante: Likelihood that a child of an alcoholic develops alcoholism is not the same at every stage of life; the risk is greatest between the teenage years and mid-thirties. This also makes sense because that’s the period in which it seems all social activities revolve around drinking alcohol.

Why Are You More Likely to Be an Alcoholic if Your Parent is an Alcoholic?

Researchers are still trying to understand the reasons that adult children of alcoholics are at such increased risk of becoming alcoholics themselves. However, most experts agree that there are many factors that likely play a role, including both a person’s environment and their genetics.

The environment a person is raised in affects their development in major ways. Growing up in a home ravaged by the chaos, instability, and lack of parental support characteristic of alcoholism deeply affects a person, especially in their formative years, and may put them at heightened risk of turning to alcohol for support.

Additionally, studies show genetics play a role in a person’s risk of developing alcoholism. Not everyone responds to alcohol the same way, and studies show that those with alcoholic family members are more likely to develop destructive patterns when exposed to alcohol than those who do not have a family history of alcoholism. If your family is like mine, alcoholism has been passed down, generation after generation for as far back as can be noted. I’d much rather have an antique teapot or something; how about you?

This is a topic I’ve discussed with thousands of people – and interestingly, it seems there is no middle space. Families either have zero history of alcoholism or countless family members facing it. My cousins and I have warned the young-ins of our family about our tendency to have addictive-style personalities and that alcoholism is “in our blood.” Be sure to “wear sunscreen, watch your blood pressure and…watch your drinking,” we advise at high school graduation parties and the like.

Breaking the Cycle

If you are an adult child of an alcoholic, the good news is that you have the power to change your life.

Although your risk of alcoholism if you were raised by an alcoholic is greater than those who did not grow up in the same situation, with the right resources and support, you can break the cycle in your family and create the life you’ve always wanted for yourself. You are uniquely you; you’re not your mom or dad or any other family member who’s fallen into a substance use disorder. Never let the odds discourage you. There are millions of us who’ve healed, broken the cycle in their families and living lives we love.

Meeting with a skilled therapist, attending support groups with other adult children of alcoholics, practicing self care and working to overcome past trauma and develop healthy thought processes can help you find the healing, hope and support you need to succeed.

Put in the time and effort to heal – and keep at it. It’s so more than worth it.

You can do this and you will.

As every daughter of an alcoholic father or mother knows, the trauma you experienced as a child can affect your life in countless ways. While the consequences of having an alcoholic parent may begin in your early years, they often last into adulthood and can impact everything from your physical health to your social and emotional well-being. Let’s be real. If you’re reading this, you already know you’ve been dragging around lots of heavy stuff for your whole life. It’s time to heal. You deserve it!

Although it may be painful to think about, as an adult child of an alcoholic, it’s important to understand the impact of growing up with an alcoholic mom or dad to find healing and move forward with your life. I grew up with a mother who suffers from an alcohol use disorder and my healing began with recognizing how much I’d been affected. I took a deep look at myself and the results were shocking. Once I penned the uber tall list of the effects that were hindering my adult life, I was free to create my path to healing and creating a life I love.  

So, here’s what you need to know about how having an alcoholic father or mother affects a daughter or son and how to find the help you need:

Common Effects of Growing Up With an Alcoholic Parent

The effects of growing up with an alcoholic parent are wide-ranging and can be emotional, social, or behavioral. Here are some of the most common effects on kids who grow up with an alcoholic mom or dad:

• PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Low GPA and difficulty in school
• Fear and discomfort in social situations
• Separation anxiety
• Eating or behavior disorders
• Trust issues
• Difficulty maintaining healthy relationships

Any sound familiar to you? Although these are some of the most common effects that adult children of alcoholics experience, it’s important to keep in mind that every situation is different. While some adult children of alcoholics may experience some or all of these effects, there are many other ways that your life might be impacted by growing up with an alcoholic parent.

Common Traits of Adult Children of Alcoholics

While the individual experiences of adult children of alcoholics vary, there are common traits that many share. Some of these traits include (but are not limited to):

• Low Self-Esteem: Much of a child’s view of themselves is developed by their relationship with their parents. Unfortunately, many children of alcoholic parents do not receive the reassurance, security, and love they need, and instead often experience chaos, neglect, and uncertainty. This can result in a lack of confidence in themselves, both throughout childhood and into adulthood.
• Hypervigilance: Because of the lack of stability and peace in a home with an alcoholic parent, many adult children of alcoholics also struggle with hypervigilance, or a constant habit of expecting the worst. If you feel like you’re always “walking on eggshells,” you’re hypervigilant. Learn more about it.
• Difficulty Maintaining Close Relationships: Many adult children of alcoholics find it difficult to trust or be vulnerable with others. This makes it challenging to maintain close relationships.
• Anxiety: Lack of stable and secure relationships as a child often results in anxiety for adult children of alcoholics.

How to Find Healing if You Grew Up With an Alcoholic Father or Mother

If you grew up with an alcoholic father or mother (or both!) and find yourself struggling, know that there are resources that can help you heal and move forward. A skilled therapist, especially one who has experience working with adult children of alcoholics, can play a powerful role in helping you work through past trauma and develop new and healthy thought patterns and behaviors.

I’ve been on this healing journey for almost 20 years, and I am thrilled to share what I’ve learned along the way!

The beginner’s guide to healing for adult children of alcoholics

Unlocking Healing: Your Guide to Discovering the Perfect Therapist for Adult Child of an Alcoholic Recovery

Best books for adult children of alcoholics (ACoAs)

Additionally, connecting with other adult children of alcoholics, building a strong support system, journaling, and other forms of self-care can play an important role in helping you move forward, heal from your past and enjoy a happy and fulfilling future.

If you had a turbulent childhood due to your parent’s drinking, you have much in common with actress, author and entrepreneur Suzanne Somers, who healed from her childhood experiences and created a life she loved.

The late, great Suzanne is best known for her roles on popular sitcoms and was one of the most famous actresses in America. She went on to write multiple New York Times bestselling health and wellness books and sold millions of successful fitness products, such as the iconic “ThighMaster,” until her death in 2023.

I highly recommend Suzanne’s 1988 autobiography, Keeping Secrets, as an adult child of an alcoholic healing book. It’s a great read for people who experienced alcoholic parent trauma, anyone who loves someone with a substance disorder and anyone who wants to better understand the effects that addiction has on families. It’s a fascinating, inspiring tale of overcoming a dysfunctional family experience and achieving one’s dreams.

In the 1980s, when addiction was a taboo topic, Suzanne was one of the first adult children of alcoholics to grab the microphone and share her experiences growing up with the destructive effects of her father’s alcoholism. Through Keeping Secrets, she shared her story to help millions of other adult children of alcoholics who were suffering in silence. Imagine all those people who’d been keeping the same secret for generations! When Suzanne spoke about the book in media interviews, people turned up their TVs’ volume dial, leaned in and listened as she detailed the familiar stories and alcoholic family dynamics.

Suzanne’s story is of hope, resilience, bravery and determination. For those who’ve never experienced alcoholism in their families firsthand, some of the painful memories of her father’s drunken abuse might be difficult to read. But for those of us who’ve experienced those kinds of scenes in real life, it’s a welcome reminder that we are far from alone.

Suzanne begins her story by introducing her loving parents – a father who gradually fell deeply into the grips of addiction and a codependent mother who didn’t know how to get control of her family’s life. The disease of alcoholism nearly tore apart Suzanne’s family. For years, Suzanne and her three siblings didn’t get enough sleep because their father often returned home in the wee hours of the morning very drunk and began hours-long rants. Suzanne and her brother wet their beds until they were nearly teenagers, and they all suffered from extreme anxiety, which they hid behind wide smiles. When drunk, her father often berated his family, leading them to all have low self-confidence and never feel good enough.

Of the four children, Suzanne was the only one not to succumb to addiction herself as an adult. However, her adult life began with her being the troubled child of an alcoholic – a child whose early life experiences had shaped her into an insecure young woman who made bad decisions.

Suzanne got pregnant at 17, married the baby’s father and was divorced within three years, mostly due to her affair with another man. Poor and raising a young son on her own, Suzanne struggled for several years. Fortunately, she had an extraordinary determination to create a different life for her son and herself than the one she and her siblings had endured. She was bold, taking on all modeling and acting jobs she could get. At one point, she got into legal trouble when she wrote bad checks and even wound up in jail. The pivotal moment was when her son survived being hit by a car. Suzanne and her son began going to therapy, and everything changed.

Finding Healing and Empowerment

Through therapy, Suzanne realized that though she had escaped the nightmare life she had endured in her childhood, those past experiences had deeply affected her. Suzanne began healing from those experiences, recognizing her self-worth and respect and turning her life around.

“Life is not how you start but how you finish,” Suzanne wrote in the book.

She believed she achieved success in show business and as an entrepreneur because she healed. Suzanne is proof of how, despite the odds, people can overcome horrible experiences and make their dreams come true.

Her sister Maureen went to Alcoholics Anonymous and got sober. After a few years of sobriety, thanks to her dedication to participating in meetings and fully working in the program, she convinced their mother to attend Al-Anon meetings. Al-Anon is a support group for family and friends of alcoholics. Reluctantly, their mother did, and it changed her whole outlook. Then her father’s and their brothers recovered, too.

Suzanne’s family beat addiction and stopped the cycle in their family. It’s no coincidence that this all began when Suzanne healed. When one family member begins their healing journey, there are ripple effects. If alcoholism is in your family, you can stop the cycle, just like Suzanne did.

Here’s what Suzanne taught us about healing from the effects of growing up with an alcoholic parent and a codependent mother:

1. You can break the cycle of addiction in your family and create the life you want.

Of the four kids, Suzanne was the only one who didn’t fall into the grip of addiction. How was this possible? Suzanne decided early on, despite making many bad decisions as a young adult and reaching new lows, that she deserved a life she wanted. She invested time into therapy for years and credits her therapist, Mrs. Kilgrave, for teaching her how to heal and grow.

2. You can use the strength you built through your past traumatic experiences to take on challenges with extraordinary courage.

Suzanne and her siblings grew up in chaos due to their father’s drinking. He’d come home from the bar late and keep the whole family up until the early morning hours. Suzanne often fell asleep at school and got in trouble with her teachers, who assumed she wasn’t going to bed early enough on purpose. She had trouble concentrating during class and came to believe that she wasn’t smart because that was what her father said about her when he was drunk.

“Nothing was ever good enough for Dad,” Suzanne wrote. “All three of us had trouble concentrating in school. Maureen was a dreamer. Danny was, too, but in his dreams he knew he ‘wouldn’t do it.’ He was already feeling shut down. Maureen was always trying to be something she was not. The alcoholism at home was affecting our self-esteem. We stopped believing in ourselves.”

Fortunately, Suzanne discovered confidence when she got involved with theatre at school. Through acting, she could escape her reality and feel free. Suzanne had experienced and endured so much during her youth that she had the strength to confront setbacks in her career. She struggled for years to get modeling and acting jobs, but she kept showing up and finding a way to make it work while being a single mom.

The biggest takeaway from Suzanne’s life is that courage, determination and boldness lead to change and healing.

You have the power to break the cycle in your family and create a life you love. If you put in the effort to heal through education, therapy connection and self-care, an entirely different life is yours for the taking. If you grew up in a dysfunctional environment with a parent’s drinking or something else, please recognize that many people, like Suzanne, turned their lives into something they couldn’t have imagined when they were young.

The strategy Suzanne used to navigate her past was to be authentic to her therapist. Even when she knew her therapist would disagree with her actions or behavior, Suzanne shared the truth and listened when the therapist asked questions that helped illuminate her path forward.

If you grew up with an alcoholic parent and you now feel less than happy about your life as an adult, I get it. I’ve been there. But what if I told you it’s simple to get started on your journey to get unstuck.  Picture this: You are giving a chef’s kiss into the air, smitten with everything you accomplished and all the progress you made in healing.

The difference between a sucky or mediocre year and a life-changing one comes down to your beliefs.

What you believe becomes your reality.

If you believe this year is going be yet another year in which nothing changes, it will. You’ll keep ignoring that nagging feeling that you deserve so much more in life. You’ll keep feeling stuck without a clue about how to change it.

When are you going to give improving your life a real whirl?

If you believe you’ll heal this year, you will. If you believe you’ll discover the steps you need to take in your journey, you will.

The first step is clearing your throat and saying, “This year, I am healing from the past and creating a life I love!”

The only thing certain about life is that you can’t predict it. There will never be an ideal time to do any of this. So, do it now.

Once you press start on all this adult child of an alcoholic healing stuff, incredible things happen. I’ve heard stories from thousands of adult children of alcoholics and people who grew up in other types of dysfunctional environments whose lives dramatically changed for the better once they finally decided they deserved it. It’s freaky how much life can change. I did it. They did it. And you will, too.

The second, most important step is to plan how you’re going to do it.

This year, it’s time to put the work in, invest the time and energy, even if you only have a little bit to give. All you have 20 minutes per day? That’s 20 minutes per day you didn’t give last year.

Systems > intentions all day, e’ry day. Figure out what you can do to give to your healing and stick to it.

Back in 2009, when I started my journey to heal from my experiences growing up with an alcoholic parent, I couldn’t see any way out of feeling trapped. I felt miserable and hopeless. For as long as I could remember, I’d been focused on getting my mom to stop drinking. After 26 years of trying – and failing again and again – to achieve this goal, I was beaten down and deeply, can’t-get-out-of-bed depressed.

It all seemed so simple: Mom, Dad, my sister and I could live happily ever after, if Mom stopped drinking. What I didn’t realize until my rock-bottom point was that:

• I couldn’t cure my mom of her substance use disorder.

• It wasn’t my job to do so anyway.

• In the process of trying to save her, I’d become very ill myself and wasn’t really living at all.

Outside of my immediate family, everyone around me appeared to be happy, healthy and looking forward to the future. I felt I’d been dealt a terrible set of cards in life and I had no control of anything. Every morning, I woke with crippling dread. I knew I couldn’t go on that way.

Finally, out of desperation, I started focusing on me for the first time in my life. Little by little, I felt hope return. Over this 15-year journey, I’ve put in a lot of time and effort to heal and keep growing. Now I freaking love my life – a life 26-year-old me couldn’t have envisioned back in the dark days.

I am living proof that your life can change in ways that you can’t see today. Trust that you will have a life you love and you will. I’ve learned so much about healing and personal growth and I’m thrilled to share everything I’ve learned.

If you’re just getting started, I created this guide for you:

The beginner’s guide to healing for adult children of alcoholics

You’re on your way.   

When most people think of PTSD, they often think of veterans, survivors of natural disasters and individuals who have experienced a single traumatic event. While PTSD does affect these groups, as an adult child of an alcoholic (ACoA), you may be experiencing this challenging condition, too. Understanding PTSD and how it may be affecting your life is the first step toward healing. Here’s what you need to know about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in adult children of alcoholics:

What is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, is an anxiety-related mental health condition that stems from a traumatic experience or set of experiences. PTSD symptoms can last for years and are often debilitating.

For people who grew up with an alcoholic parent, the PTSD they experience is often very complex. While many people who have PTSD experienced a single traumatic event, for adult children of alcoholics, PTSD is often the result of many years of trauma, instability and chaos. As an ACoA, PTSD may be affecting many aspects of your life, including maintaining positive relationships, having a healthy sense of self-esteem and experiencing joy and fulfillment. Taking steps toward healing is essential for living your life to the fullest. 

Signs You May Have PTSD

Although PTSD affects everyone differently, here are some common signs to look for if you suspect you may be experiencing PTSD:

• Inability to Trust Others: Because of unstable and chaotic relationships with their parents, it’s common for ACoAs with PTSD to have difficulty trusting others or forming healthy relationships as adults.
• Anxiety and Depression: Studies show that ACoAs with PTSD are more likely to also suffer from depression and anxiety.
• Struggles with Self Esteem: In their early years, children form their perception of themselves from their parents. Unfortunately, it’s common for children of alcoholics to experience emotional neglect and lack of positive affirmation, leading them to develop a negative self-image.
• Becoming Triggered: ACoAs with PTSD sometimes become triggered by sights, sounds, smells or anything else that reminds them of their past trauma.
• Flashbacks: ACoAs suffering from PTSD often experience nightmares, flashbacks or vivid memories of distressing past events.

How to Heal From PTSD

If you are struggling with PTSD as an Adult Child of an Alcoholic, it’s important to seek help. Although some mental health conditions naturally improve over time, PTSD can last for decades, especially the complex PTSD that Adult Children of Alcoholics experience. Fortunately, there are many treatment options that can help you find the healing you need.

Attending therapy and joining support groups can help you process your emotions, unpack difficult past experiences and gain the tools you need to move forward with your life in a healthy way. In some cases, medication and emotional support animals can also play a useful role. It’s also important to prioritize self-care. Invest in yourself by making time for hobbies you enjoy, getting enough sleep, exercising and relaxing and recharging.

Ultimately, if you are suffering from PTSD as an ACoA, it’s important to know that healing can be yours! Although it may take time and effort, you can find peace and serenity.

Related recommended book

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD.

Here’s how to get started on your healing journey:

The beginner’s guide to healing for adult children of alcoholics

What a year it’s been on JodyLamb.com! Your stories, comments and support have truly made this a special place. I’m super excited to share with the most read and shared articles of 2023. These are the ones that you loved the most and they’re packed with insights and tips that we all can use.

So, grab a cup of your favorite drink, get cozy and dive into these articles. If you find something that speaks to you, don’t hesitate to share it with friends or family. After all, we’re all in this together!

Thanks for being such an awesome part of our community.   

Top 10 Most Read and Shared JodyLamb.com Articles of 2023

1. Discover the Path to Healing and Friendship as an Adult Child of an Alcoholic: Learn how to build meaningful friendships, understand your needs and cultivate strong, healthy relationships.

How to Build Healthy Relationships as an Adult Child of an Alcoholic

2. Breaking the Cycle: Learn How to Shield Your Kids from the Legacy of Alcoholism: This is one is for parents who are adult children of alcoholics to learn how to protect their children from the effects of alcoholism.

Breaking the Cycle of Addiction: How to Avoid Passing on Alcoholism to Your Kids

3. How to Stop Thinking It’s Your Job to Take Care of Your Alcoholic Parent: How to learn you’re not responsible for your parent and the art of setting boundaries and self-care.

How to stop thinking it’s your job to take care of your alcoholic parent

4. The Healing Magic of Writing a Letter to Your Alcoholic Mom or Dad: Discover the healing and power of words that come with writing a letter to your alcoholic parent.

The Healing Magic of Writing a Letter to Your Alcoholic Mom or Dad

5. How to Lead a More Satisfied Life as An Adult Child of an Alcoholic: Learn how to find self-satisfaction and peace.

How to Lead a More Satisfied Life as An Adult Child of an Alcoholic

6. How to Make a Vision Board for Adult Children of Alcoholics: Create a vision board as a tool for you to focus on your dreams and adult child of an alcoholic healing journey.

How to Make a Vision Board for Adult Children of Alcoholics

7. 7 Ways to Improve Your Mental Well-Being as an Adult Child of an Alcoholic: Learn the practical ways to enhance your mental well-being, including self-care, mindfulness and therapy.

7 Ways to Improve Your Mental Well-Being as an Adult Child of an Alcoholic

8. How to Use Writing as a Healing Tool: How various types of writing can help you process emotions and difficult experiences.

The Pen is Mighty: Writing Your Way to Adult Child of an Alcoholic Healing

9. Seven Ways to Avoid Triggers in Your ACoA Healing: Guidance on taking care of yourself and how to avoid triggers that may impact your healing journey.

Seven ways to avoid triggers in your ACoA healing

10. Discovering the Right Boundaries for Your Healing Journey as an Adult Child of an Alcoholic: How to create and stick to powerful, healthy boundaries on your healing journey.

Discovering the Right Boundaries for Your Healing Journey as an Adult Child of an Alcoholic

Wishing you serenity.