People often share with me that their parent has or had “drinking problems” that really affected them. Recently, I’ve noticed a trend with people recognizing this fact but stating that it’s too late to work on themselves. Ship has sailed, they say. Probably should have had therapy, they say as if therapy is only beneficial for people under the age of 30.
Whatcha talkin’ about?!!
It is never too late to heal and grow. In fact, it could be argued that therapy is most impactful when you are thirty something, middle-aged or older because you have so many more years of wisdom and clarity at that point. The more years you have, the more opportunity you have for growth.
We are on a life-long learning journey. I will still be learning and growing when I’m a wrinkled, old lady!
I believe there are three things all adult children of alcoholics should do, regardless of their age:
1. Read the books about addiction and get educated.
My grandmother was a sweet Irish and Italian lady whose life was marred by the effects of addiction in those she loved with her whole heart. My grandfather’s extreme alcoholism led to his early death and then half of their eight children grew up and into the arms of addiction, too. Read the books about addiction, she told me when I was a teenager. Grandma read the books but suffered quietly despite being so educated because that was what little, Catholic ladies did back then. The last thing a teenager wants to do is read thick books written by psychologists. I have no time for that, I replied, and my mother was the one who needed to spend time understanding addiction – not me!
Finally, as a twenty something, I reached a pivotal moment of desperation. I picked up those books about addiction because I was in search of the illusive solution to cure my mom of her addiction and get her to stop drinking so that my family and I could finally live happily ever after.
When you read about addiction, you understand the science behind it and the heartbreaking reality that your family’s secret of addiction is a global problem that likely affects as many people as it does not. This education opens your mind to more learning. I realized that my mother was extremely ill, and that I was, too, because the effects of addiction ripple through all the people who love that addicted person.
Reading those books led to reading books about the adult child of an alcoholic (ACoA) syndrome and the common traits we have such as the ultra-powerful codependency.
See my recommended list of books for adult child of alcoholics.
2. Listen to other people’s stories.
The world is full of billions of people who’ve lived through utter hell – due to addiction in the home or other types of dysfunction. They share variations of the same stories with shocking similarities.
The internet enables us to swap stories and wisdom with one another. Absorb the books, blogs and social media content that these people are taking time to share with you. Be a sponge. You never know when someone’s story of how they healed and moved forward to create the life they want will inspire you and help blaze the next step in your own journey to create the life you want.
Hands down, other people’s stories had the greatest impact on my own healing journey – much more than the books and the short stints with therapy. It’s the Amazon review effect. We’re moved by the words and experiences of regular people like us who’ve lived through very terrible things and successfully created the lives that they want.
3. Take good care of yourself, every day.
I’m not referring to bubble baths and matcha – although, those are good things.
I’m referring to living every day with the one truth that escapes so many of us adult children of alcoholics. Your only job in life is to take good care of yourself. When you really live with this as your guide, you will make tiny decisions every day that lead to major changes to create the life you want.
That’s it.
Wishing you all the best in your journey.
