Jody Lamb: Empowering Adult Children of Alcoholics to Create Fulfilling Lives

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Creating the life you want

3 things you should stop doing if you have anxiety

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1.    Not getting enough sleep.

Sleep is an extremely weird thing and, in the hustle-hustle-hustle world, it’s increasingly undervalued.

You can’t cut corners on sleep.

A few years ago, I had this epiphany and dramatically improved my relationship with sleep, which had been affected by the fact that I am an adult child of an alcoholic.  Recommended reading to learn the science behind sleep: Arianna Huffington’s “The Sleep Revolution: Transforming Your Life, One Night at a Time.” Every hour of sleep is an investment in your good health and anxiety prevention.

I challenge you to experiment and make a point to get at least seven hours of sleep – ideally eight hours. Then, pay attention to your ability to handle life. For me, lack of sleep and anxiety are lovers. When I do not prioritize sleep, anxiety shows up like the @#*-hole it really is.

When I haven’t slept enough, especially after three nights in a row, it takes me notably longer to do everything because my creativity is crippled and overwhelm creeps in and before I know it, anxiety has me in an uncomfortable bear hug.

But….how do you get enough sleep if you’re already anxious? How do you fall and stay asleep if you have anxiety? I know, I get it, it’s hard. Here are the basic things I do to support falling and staying asleep:

  • Limit caffeine. I don’t consume caffeinated anything after noon.
  • Turn off the screens. Put away your electronics at least an hour before you plan to get into bed.
  • Meditate. There’s no wrong way to do it.
  • Take Melatonin as needed. Melatonin is what your body naturally produces to fall asleep but when anxiety interferes, Melatonin supplement helps with that.

2.    Taking on other people’s problems as your own.

My fellow codependents, I’m talking to you, my friends.  It’s time to stop taking on other people’s emotions, work and problems.

It may seem simplistic, but I ask myself an important question all day long. Is this good for you? If not, don’t do it. If yes, do it. Learn to say no, even when it feels very wrong.

Your only job is to take good care of you.

3.    Not prioritizing what brings you joy.

Anxiety is ultra powerful. Once it’s hanging around, you make bad decisions because you can’t think clearly. When you stop making time for doing the things you love to do, then your anxiety worsens, and the cycle goes on and on.

I challenge you to make time – even if it’s only 15 minutes per day – to do what brings you joy. For me, this is laughing, writing and being outside with my dog. In the hecticness of life, it’s very easy to let a day go by without these things. Now I know that I must make time for these activities. I wake up earlier to walk a mile while watching The Office or something else guaranteed to make me laugh. I ignore the pressing to dos in order to laugh with a coworker. I sit outside with Rocco. I write, even when I’m tired.

What works for you? Anxiety tips are appreciated.

New here? Hello! I’m Jody Lamb, a personal growth author and blogger. If it helps you create the life you want, I’m writing about it. I’m an adult child of an alcoholic who is healing and enjoying the life I want. Get my book for free here. Subscribe for free access to my monthly newsletter:

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How to manage anxiety the celebrity way

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A few years ago, celebrities started talking about how they battle anxiety and it blew my mind.

This is because for the first 25 years of my life, I didn’t even know that what I felt/ignored/struggled with were very real things named anxiety and panic attacks. I just thought all of that was just….me.

So, when celebrities with seemingly perfect lives and who did things on a regular basis that would terrify us regular folks (such as performing on live TV), shared that like me, they struggle with anxiety, it was amazingly free-ing!

I’ve learned ways to manage anxiety, but it’s definitely still something I have to keep working at and learning more about it.   

That’s why I’m all ears when the celebs talk anxiety.

Wise words about anxiety from actors Bill Hader and Kristen Bell

Bill Hader, actor, comedian, producer, director

Bill has been quite candid about the extreme anxiety he experienced during his eight years on the Saturday Night Live cast. It got a bit out of control and was affecting his job. He said he was 37 years old when he started meditation, which was helpful. But the thing that helped most was realizing that acknowledging anixety, not trying to ignore it, is key. In this interview, he shared that when Jeff Bridges hosted SNL, he noticed that Bill was extremely anxious. Jeff said, “That’s your buddy. Anxiety. Don’t fight that. Put your arm around it.”

Here’s what Bill said in this recent Child Mind Institute interview:

“There was always a little voice in my head telling me, here’s all the things that could go wrong. As you get older, that sticks around. So, when I was in my mid-30s, I officially tried to do something about it because it was affecting my job as a performer on live television. For someone with massive anxiety, that is a crazy job to have. But I loved my job, so I was going to figure out how to deal with this.

What helped me was learning that it doesn’t really go away. You manage it. Instead of pushing away your anxiety, and I always imagined my anxiety as this little monster that would attack my face and pull at my ears, and instead of pushing that thing away and trying to fight it, I would just go, hey, buddy. It was like a little monkey. I would just go, ‘ok, here, sit on my shoulder. Let’s hang out. Chill out.’ There it is.

Every time I would get nervous, I would become friends with it. I know that sounds corny maybe or a little silly. But it helped…Don’t push it away. Put your arm around it. Let’s go take that test. Let’s get on the bus. Take out the narrative of it. Meaning, OMG. I have a test. I’m nervous because I have a test. Take out ‘I have a test.’ Just say, ‘oh I’m nervous…This is me nervous’…You can manage it and figure it out.”

Kristen Bell, actor

About a year ago, Kristen Bell began speaking about the fact that she exercises and takes medication to deal with the effects of anxiety and depression, which afflicts women in her family. Her fans said “I have that, too” by the thousands.

“I have suffered from anxiety and depression since I was 18,” Kristen said. “Don’t be fooled by the game of perfection that humans play…. everyone has problems. Everyone feels yucky on the inside sometimes…. you have an obligation to take care of yourself from the inside out. There are resources…. You are not alone…”

“I think talking about the messiness of being human…is what makes everyone happier…I want to raise people up….I think it’s such a waste of time to be ashamed of your own story.”  

3 life lessons the Prancercise lady taught us

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Joanna Rohrback’s video about her Prancercise® exercise program went viral in 2013. To date, it has been viewed nearly 15 million times. It featured ultra-confident Joanna demonstrating the program’s signature moves, which Joanna describes as “a springy, rhythmic way of moving forward, similar to a horse’s gait and ideally, induced by elation.”

With poise, she pranced and galloped in a palm-tree peppered Florida park in step with 1980s-style beats.

“Now it’s your turn!” she instructed the viewers.

Like the rest of the world, I watched the video on repeat with many questions running through my mind: Is this real?! Then: OMG. It is. Who IS this lady, wearing a Talbot’s sweater and my favorite stirrup pants from grade school, prancing around a park?

If you have never seen the original Prancercise video, I’m honored to be the one to introduce this to you:

What exactly is Prancercise?

Let’s get one thing clear: Prancercise is a legit exercise program with use of weights for a full-body workout. Despite the mindless skipping around performed in Prancercise parody videos, Prancercise rivals popular and respected fitness walking videos like Leslie Sansone’s Walk at Home.  

Who is Joanna Rohrback?

Joanna is a 60-something-year-old fitness guru who lives in Florida. She invented Prancercise in the 1980s, but life brought challenges and setbacks that prevented the program from having her full attention. But when the time came for Prancercise to be shared with the world, she made it happen in an extraordinary way without expectations.

Joanna Rohrback in the original Prancerise video.

Here are the three life lessons the Prancercise lady taught us:

1.      Never let go of your dreams. You’re never too old to make them come true.

For decades, Joanna pranced around in parks and on neighborhood sidewalks. People stared and laughed but Joanna did not care.  She believed in her exercise program. I know very few people who are confident and determined enough to pursue something that does not align with what society says is normal or appropriate.  

“Something drove me with this program,” Joanna told the Miami New Times. “But there was a lot of challenges…You get very disheartened when you believe in something so great, and you know it has such tremendous potential, but you don’t have what you consider to be the foundation to allow it to break out.”

Joanna Rohrback in the original Prancerise video.

Decades passed but Joanna never gave up on her plan to share Prancercise with the world. In 2012, she knew very little about social media but decided to hire a video production company to produce a Prancercise video that she hoped would reach a small number of people on YouTube.

Within days of uploading the video, millions of people around the world had been introduced to Prancercise.

“It’s changed my life a lot,” Joanna said.  

Joanna appeared on countless national news programs and in a pistachio TV ad with Dennis Rodman. She was the star of a John Mayer music video.

Life was never the same. People began doing Prancercise, which promotes healthy living. This, of course, was Joanna’s goal all along.

2.      Pay no mind to the haters.

Practically overnight, this sweet lady was known around the world. It threw her quiet life into the spotlight. How she handled the spotlight wowed me.  

Joanna received smiles, kudos and well wishes from those fascinated by her be-true-to-you mindset. However, the worst of the internet came out in full force, spewing the cruelest comments. They called her crazy but most notably, they obsessed about her attire and how her pants fit in the viral video.   

Joanna’s reaction was amazingly inspiring. She told CNN that she was grateful for Prancercise’s attention and that she’d take “the harsh and the goof” that came with fame.  

Joanna Rohrback in the “OFFICIAL PRANCERCISE NEW YEARS RESOLUTION” video.

Joanna continued creating Prancercise content and had strong words for her haters shared through silly rhyming messages.

“I’m the Prancerise reindeer and may be the pain in your rear because I’m going to insist that for your resolution, you try the Prancercise solution,” Joanna said in a holiday-themed video. “It worked for me. I’m free of what’s ugly – even a little bubbly. Change your bait and call out the hate. And if they persist, just tell them to kiss…your…grits.”

Solid gold, my friends. People noticed and were inspired to take this kiss-my-grits approach and ignore negative and critical opinions.

3.      Be you – uninhibited.

Joanna in the “Prancercise® ‘Uninhibited Fitness'” video

One gallop at a time, Joanna encourages us to be true to who we really are.

“I’m a health nut and a patriot that likes to trot,” Joanna said in this Independence Day-themed video. “I also feel like Lady Liberty. I live in the land of the free and can be who I want to be.”

YouTube comments on a Joanna Rohrback video.

All these years later, I still quote Joanna. When I discover that a friend is unfamiliar with Prancercise, you better believe that YouTube link is in their inbox stat.

“There’s only one me,” Joanna said in this video. “I’m uninhibited as I’ve already exhibited. So, let them stare and gawk, I’m going to do my Prancercise walk.”   

We all have our own special thing like the Prancercise walk. Most people are too afraid to show it because it is risky or different. They are held back by fear. As a result, they never come close to their true potential.

Don’t let the world miss out on what you could give us.

Be a little more like the Prancercise lady.

Get out there and have some fun.

Joanna in the “Prancercise® ‘Uninhibited Fitness'” video

Jody Lamb is an author and blogger writing about personal growth, self care, habits and adult children of alcoholics. Visit JodyLamb.com. Twitter and Instagram: @JodyMLamb. YouTube: /JodyLamb. Facebook.com/JodyLambAuthor.  

I learned how to eat // What I eat in a day

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I recently had an epiphany about why I’ve never enjoyed cooking. I realized that it is directly tied to past experiences as a girl and young adult. I do not have many good memories that involve the kitchen, where cooking is usually enjoyed, so, naturally, I avoid the kitchen.

Is there opportunity to create new, good memories in my kitchen? Yes! So, that’s what I’m doing.

Focused effort on cooking and spending time in my peaceful kitchen brought about another realization.

Good Lord. Another one?

breakfast

Yep.

Ready for it?  I never learned how to eat.

For my entire adult life, I’ve viewed eating as a hassle – just like sleep.

When I was a twenty something, I skipped meals and often ate terribly unhealthy fast food. When I became a thirty something, I forced myself to slightly better, except it really wasn’t better. I lived on peanut butter sandwiches and expensive frozen dinners marketed as healthy, which really are not that healthy. Just because it’s in the healthy food section, doesn’t mean it’s healthy.  And just because you’re eating non-gigantic meals doesn’t mean it makes sense to then eat a ton of unhealthy snacks because you’re still hungry.

On the last several Sundays, I’ve been preparing my lunches and dinners for workweek. This was to challenge myself to cook (and enjoy it) and to have a healthier diet. All of that has worked out as expected. What I did not expect is the effect this would have on my energy, stress management and creativity.

It turns out that (duh), that my mid-afternoon inner meltdown that occurs is entirely avoidable. All these years, I’ve been hungry. Even when I ate whatever I’d thrown together, it wasn’t enough or it wasn’t enough of the right stuff. Therefore, the afternoons came along, bringing with it my enemy, anxiety. Low and behold, my ability to think creatively and manage stress nosedives.

Right away, I noticed that my energy levels, stress management abilities and creativity are much better!

I’ve. Actually. Been. Enjoying. Cooking.

My skills are improving but don’t think they’re anything close to yours.   

Today, my smoke detectors got a workout. I’m not so great with the stove, still.

Here are my favorite meal prep products  

Pyrex meal prep glass containers

Ninja blender

Crock-Pot Slow Cooker

Your only job in life is to take good care of you.

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Jody Lamb is an author, blogger and adult child of an alcoholic on a journey to create an awesome grownup life. Visit JodyLamb.com. Twitter and Instagram: @JodyMLamb. YouTube: /JodyLamb. Facebook.com/JodyLambAuthor.   Subscribe for free access to my newsletter:


 

Here’s the video about this:

How to relax at the end of the day

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5 fast and easy ways to calm the flip down

Some people seem to have mastered relaxation and winding down. I want to, too! How about you? While I am still learning how to relax, I’m happy to report that I’ve found a routine that really helps me, a life-long anxiety battler!

No matter the external factors – (hey, work this week, talking about you) – I often find myself worked up at the end of a day.  I leave my office feeling overwhelmed about my mounting to-do list and worried about a project/deadline. By the time I arrive home, the what-ifs have taken over and my stress level has catapulted to a very un-fun level.

My evening relaxation routine is critical. If I do nothing to relax and wind down, my stress snowballs into an almost unmanageable state. So, I’m sharing what I’ve learned to do to relax. 

Before I jump into that, I must say the most important self-care activity that directly affects stress management is sleep. Do everything you can to get 7-8 hours of quality sleep. This will have a big impact on your ability to manage stress.

Basic, right? Yet most adults do not get enough sleep during the work week.  I used to think I was so tough, I didn’t need sleep. Sleep, I believed, was for people who had cushy, fluffy, stress-free lives. Then I got educated and thought, OMG. No wonder I’m stressed.

The more I learn about the science of sleep, the more it blows my mind how critical this is to our ability to be healthy in every way. When you are sleep deprived, your body and mind are stressed, which erodes your ability to manage stress. If you haven’t read Arianna Huffington’s The Sleep Revolution yet, do it.

5 ways to relax and wind down every night

1. Sit in quietness and write a list of what’s going well or what you’re grateful for that day.   

This is meditation meets journaling. It can take less than a minute, but it is extremely powerful in resetting your mindset to focus on all of the good in your life.

Most people I know, those with children and those without, jump down the TV/Netflix/Hulu/Roku/social media hole at the end of day. It’s tempting to settle on the couch and escape to those other worlds. That’s fine sometimes but that media fires up your brain. For me, consuming that content may distract from my immediate stressors (i.e. to-do list) but ultimately, make me feel more stressed.  I’ve been limiting my screen time on weeknights to 30 minutes.

2. Pick up your space.

I can’t truly relax if there’s a mess around me. I guess this is the backbone of the Marie Kondo stuff; clean up your space and you clean up your mind.  

If I spend 15 minutes every day tidying, I am way more relaxed because I don’t have that-needs-to-be-cleaned-up nagging thoughts squashing my serenity.

3. Move your body.

Have a solo dance party or take a walk. I’m not talking about intense exercising of your body; rather, simple movement to relieve stress from your mind. Exercise is important, too, of course but for the purpose of achieving relaxation, just move.

 4. Listen to relaxing music or sounds.

Music has always been magical for me. When I was a teenager and young adult, my headphones transported me to a different place – one that was serene and predictable when my reality was the opposite of that.

Today, music to relax comes in the form of playing my dad’s old Motown records and asking Alexa to fill my home with her best relaxing music.

When I’m in this listening mode, I avoid new songs with lyrics that my word brain will analyze. Instead, I pick ones I’ve known forever.   

5. Retreat to your relaxation zone.

For me, this is wherever Rocco (canine best friend) and Larry (feline best friend) are hanging out. Let’s be real; animals are greater than people.

But when I was growing up in my parents’ house, there was an extra bedroom with a super comfy pink chair beside a reading lamp. It was tidy and quiet. This was my retreat.

Create a designated zone for you to simply be…relaxed.

What works for you?  Share in the comments!

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New here? Hello! I’m a personal growth author and blogger. If it helps you create the life you want, I’m writing about it. I’m wild about personal growth and learning. I’m an adult child of an alcoholic. Subscribe for free access to my monthly newsletter:


 

36 things to know about living life

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This month, I turned 36. 36!

While people lament these milestones that inch us ever so closer to 40, I celebrate it.

I have more wisdom and awareness that I have so much more to learn, especially as I reprogram my adult child of an alcoholic brain and create the life I want.

Today, I’m sharing 36 things I’ve learned and think you should know, too.

1.      You are normal.

Despite perfect social feeds, everyone you know has problems. Major problems. The world is fucked up.

2.      Every word, every smile makes a difference.

Don’t ever underestimate the power of simple act of kindness. Hold the door for people. Smile. Say hello.

3.      It’s never too late to create the life you want.

4.      Hope is a superpower.

Hold onto it with a firm grip.

5.      Take it one day at a time.

All we have for certain is right now. Focus on that.

6.      Avoid judging people and assume there is something you don’t know about.

You do not know what battles people are fighting.

7.      Take the pause that refreshes before responding.

Coca-Cola used to have an advertising slogan: The pause that refreshes. I think it’s more fitting as a reminder to think before you react. Sometimes a simple pause is needed to help you avoid saying or doing something you don’t mean.

8.      You are extraordinary.

There is no one like you in the world. Your experiences, your talents, your soul make you special. And yet as human beings, we are drawn to people who are like us. I want to fit in. We don’t realize that how we really shine is when we are truly ourselves.

9.      Stop trying to be like everyone else.

Be different. If you’ve buried who you really are, unbury yourself! Do what you like to do. Stop to trying to mirror what how everyone else lives their lives. They’re probably actually miserable. Ask that guy out. Get a tattoo. Quit your job and start a business when you don’t feel ready. Start a band, even when there are better bands.

When people are talking about Netflix binging, talk about that Podcast you’re starting. When people are talking about sitting on a boat all weekend, and you’d rather be painting, talk about your painting.

LIVE DIFFERENTLY.

10. Most people give up.

Like 90% of people. I made up that statistic but it’s probably right. Most people accept the cards they’ve been dealt and let life happen to them. Don’t be like most people. Put in the effort to create the life that you want.   

11. Life is too short to try to control what you can’t control. 

12. Spend more time with people who inspire you, who light you up.

Recognize that you may need to spend less time with family and friends who were like family at one time in order to make time for those who are good for you today.

13. Know that you control the volume setting.

Turn up the volume on people who inspire you, who encourage you, who make you laugh, who make you a better, happier human being. Turn down the volume on those who do not.

14. You get what you give energy to.

Be mindful of your words and thoughts. What you put into the universe becomes your reality.

15. You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you might find that you get what you need.

16.  Say what you need to say now because it isn’t guaranteed you’ll have the opportunity to do so another time.

17. You’re never actually alone.

18.  The greatest things in life are NOT free. You must invest time and energy into everything that you value, especially relationships.

19.  When you’re young, everything feels permanent but it’s not.

The jerks at school. The people who rejected you. The boy or girl who broke your heart. They gave you temporary, but intense feelings. As adults, we have more control, more wisdom to shape our own lives. Nothing is permanent.

20.  Freedom is recognizing that you’re free.

You are free.

21. Give and volunteer.

Ask what you can do for others without expectation of reward. Do good and good will come to you. I guarantee it.  Volunteers always say they get more from the experience than they could ever give.

22. Never believe anyone who tells you your dreams are unrealistic.

They are either ignorant or jealous. Forgive them and forge ahead.

23. Your past does not define your future.

Some of the happiest, most fulfilled people came from the most terribly tragic experiences. They created the path people said didn’t even exist for them.

24.  You only you can prevent forest fires.

The responsibility is yours. No one is going to show up with a magic band and prevent bad things from happening. shaping your life into what you want and deserve. No one is going to pluck you out of your dead-end job or loveless marriage. Or drop you on a treadmill or swap the fast food hamburger for a smoothie. It’s all you, my friend.

25.  You must create your own playbook.

There’s no step-by-step book with the plays needed to win at your life. You have the pen and the paper. 

26.  Little-kid you had things figured out more than you do today.

27.  It’s totally possible to reprogram your brain to think differently.

28. Take care of your body for health purposes.

That’s the reason for eating right and exercising. The most attractive people attract through their energy and confidence, not the size of their pants.

29. Friends are everywhere.

Make small talk everywhere you go. It leads to big friendships.

30. It’s very important to try new things.

It’s how to learn about yourself.

31.  Worrying does no good.

32.  Indulge sometimes. Life is too short not to.

If you love carrot cake, eat it.

33. If you’re going to do something, do it right. Not 70% – but 100% right.

Life is about details.

34.  So, do the extra things for people. When no one’s looking. When it doesn’t count for anything. When you won’t get anything in return.

35.  Think about everything you’re grateful for, every day.

36. Your only job in life is to take good care of yourself. That’s it.

Related videos

Being OK with being different

What’s normal for adult children of alcoholics

Your past does not define your future

Ignoring negativity from family and friends

My brain works differently because of my alcoholic parent

Law of attraction for adult children of alcoholics

Your only job in life

Jody Lamb is an author and content creator who is creating the life she wants and helping others to do so, too. She writes about everyday life and personal growth and healing as an adult child of an alcoholic.

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