Jody Lamb: Empowering Adult Children of Alcoholics to Create Fulfilling Lives

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Top Articles for Creating The Life You Want - Personal Growth

How to Build Healthy Relationships as an Adult Child of an Alcoholic

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Being an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACoA) can make it tough to develop and sustain healthy relationships. Growing up with an alcoholic parent often meant that we were exposed to unhealthy relationships as kids, which can make healthy relationships hard to achieve as an adult.

Healthy relationships are essential for living a happy and fulfilled life. However, if you’re struggling to build strong and healthy relationships due to the difficult experiences you had as a child, don’t worry–with patience and effort, you can learn how to create the relationships you’ve always hoped for. Here’s how to build healthy relationships as an Adult Child of an Alcoholic:

Understand the Role of Your Experience as an ACoA

As an ACoA, it’s common for your past experiences to affect your relationships today in negative ways. However, understanding the role that your experience as an ACoA plays is the first step for learning how to overcome these challenges. Take some time to think about how your experience as a child might be affecting your relationships. Understanding where you’re coming from can make a big difference in identifying what areas to work on.

Identify Unhealthy Relationship Patterns and Behaviors

When it comes to building healthy relationships, it’s important to understand that it’s common to struggle with some unhealthy relationship patterns and behaviors as an ACoA. However, recognizing these behaviors is the first step to overcoming them. Pay attention to signs of unhealthy behaviors that you or others may be demonstrating, such as insecurity or hypervigilance. These patterns and behaviors can be overcome, but the first step is identifying them.

Related information

Hypervigilance in Adult Children of Alcoholics: What It is and How to Overcome It

Learn to Communicate Effectively

Effective communication is essential for building healthy relationships. Without communication skills, it can be difficult to understand the other person’s needs and for them to understand yours. When working on your communication skills, focus on actively listening to what the other person has to say and take the time to explain your needs, too. When it comes to communicating effectively, it’s important to be assertive. Using “I” statements is helpful for conveying your needs without placing blame on the other person.

Have Difficult Conversations and Conflicts

Although it’s easy to wish that relationships were always easy and smooth sailing, unfortunately, this is not often the case. Even the strongest, healthiest relationships sometimes face hurdles to overcome. However, it’s important not to run from these challenges. Having difficult conversations and working through conflicts are both necessary parts of creating strong relationships.

Set Healthy Boundaries

Learning how to set and stick to healthy boundaries is one of the biggest keys to healthy relationships. Setting boundaries and respecting the boundaries of others allows both parties to feel respected and safe. If you feel that your boundaries have been crossed, don’t be afraid to speak up–sometimes the other person doesn’t realize they have crossed a boundary, and it’s important to let them know.

Related Information

3 Things to Know About Boundaries
How to set healthy boundaries with your parents

Build a Support System

Next, focus on building a strong support system. Having a solid network of those who care about you allows you to feel safe, secure, loved, and confident as you work on building healthy relationships. Surround yourself with people who support you, believe in you, and treat you with the respect you deserve. These people will help you learn how to create healthy relationships you can depend on.

Seek Support from a Therapist

Finally, getting help from a therapist is one of the most effective ways to learn how to build healthy relationships. A good therapist can help you identify unhealthy thought patterns and behaviors, heal from past trauma you’ve experienced as an ACoA, and approach your current relationships in a healthier way.

Related resource

How to Find the Right Therapist For You

Final Thoughts

Learning how to build and maintain healthy relationships is key to living a healthy and fulfilled life. Although it’s normal to struggle to build healthy relationships as an ACoA, with the right tools and resources, hard work, and patience, you can build happy, strong, and healthy relationships with the people you love.

Related Resources

Common Adult Child of an Alcoholic Traits Affecting Romantic Relationships
How to Overcome Romantic Relationship Challenges for Adult Children of Alcoholics

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7 Ways to Improve Your Mental Well-Being as an Adult Child of an Alcoholic

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As an adult child of an alcoholic (ACoA), it’s common for the difficult experiences from your childhood to affect your mental health as an adult. However, learning how to improve your mental health is an important part of ACoA recovery. Being in the best possible mental health will give you the strength you need to work through the difficult parts of your past, heal, overcome the challenges you’re experiencing now and create a life you love.

Luckily, there are many ways to improve your mental well-being–it just takes time, effort, and a few simple changes to your lifestyle. Here are seven strategies that can help:

1.  Education  

One strategy that was particularly helpful for me in improving my mental health was education. Learning more about addiction, alcoholism, and Adult Children of Alcoholics Syndrome helped me to understand the root causes of my own struggles and gave me the tools to start healing. Education is an ongoing process, and there are many resources available to help you learn more about the issues that impact you as an ACoA.

Related Information

Best books for adult children of alcoholics (ACoAs)

2.  Self-Care

Making time for self-care is one of the most effective ways to improve your mental health as an ACoA. Taking care of yourself will give you the stamina you need to face challenges head on and tackle painful experiences from your past. Self-care looks different for everyone, but typically includes eating healthy foods, getting plenty of sleep, enjoying time in nature and other activities that improve your overall wellness. Take time to define what you really need to take good care of you.

3.   Exercise

Exercise has been proven to reduce stress, depression, and anxiety and improve overall mental health. This is because physical exertion causes your body to release positive endorphins, or brain chemicals, that boost your mood. Look for a form of exercise that you genuinely enjoy, such as running, yoga, or pilates, and set aside time to do it every day.

Walking is my favorite exercise activity. I start every weekday with a 3 to 5-mile walk in my living room following the awesome Walk at Home videos. When I must skip a walk, I have a harder time managing stress.

Walking is a low-impact exercise that’s easy to commit to and can reduce stress and anxiety. Walking outdoors provides exposure to nature and fresh air, improving mood and aiding in relaxation. Regular walking can improve sleep quality, boost energy levels, and increase overall fitness. For adult children of alcoholics, walking can offer a safe, healthy, and accessible form of self-care that can enhance the trauma recovery process. Even short walks can provide significant benefits. So, even if you only 15 minutes for exercise every day, you can do a one-mile walk.

4.   Mindfulness

Although it’s easy to run from obligation to obligation during the day, learning to live in the moment through mindfulness is a helpful way to boost your mental health. Mindfulness means being present in the moment, clearing your mind of overwhelming thoughts and emotions, and focusing on where you are now.

Before I started my ACoA healing journey, I couldn’t focus on the present because I was busy planning for the next problem. All I ever did was worry. Turns out that’s a common thing called hypervigilance. Fortunately, I have mostly overcome that terrible issue so I can be much more mindful in my everyday life.

Related Information

Hypervigilance in Adult Children of Alcoholics: What It is and How to Overcome It

5.   Hobbies

Making time for activities that you enjoy is a great way to boost your mental health. Schedule time for hobbies that you already enjoy, but be sure to make time to branch out and try new activities, too.

6.  ACoA and Al-Anon Support Groups

Another way to boost your mental health is by attending an Al-Anon or Adult Children of Alcoholics support group meeting. Support groups are a great way to find healing and support that can improve your mental well-being.

Related Information

What To Expect from an Al-Anon or Adult Children of Alcoholics Support Group Meeting

7.   Therapy

Attending therapy is another effective way to improve your mental health. A good therapist can provide helpful insights and support that can guide you on your path to healing.

Related Information

How to Find the Right Therapist For You

Benefits of Improving Your Mental Health

There are countless benefits that result from improving your mental health that can not only help with your ACoA healing journey, but every aspect of your life. Some of these benefits include freedom to create the life you love, improved relationships with your friends, family, and significant others, increased productivity and success and reduced stress and anxiety.

Final Thoughts

Improving your mental health is an essential part of your healing journey as an ACoA, so it’s important to make it a priority in your life. Although it may take time and effort, the benefits you’ll experience as you focus on your mental well-being are immeasurable. Not only will improved mental health help you process difficult parts of your past and move forward with your ACoA recovery, but you’ll also experience greater satisfaction and fulfillment in every aspect of your life.

Wishing you well in your healing journey!

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How to Detox Your Body and Mind for a More Positive Outlook on Life

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Tired of being tired? Never have enough energy to get done what you want to get done? Feeling down about how your life is going? I get it because that’s how I used to be, too. What if I told you there are a few simple ways to rejuvenate yourself through a life-changing body and mind detox? These tips helped me get into the right place mentally and physically to achieve my goals and start building the life I want!

Detox is one of those intimidating words that feels like a lot of work with starvation and suffering in the mix. But detox is simply a new way to look at your routine, diet and mindfulness. Small, low-effort changes can make a huge difference in creating the life you want.

Over the last 12 years since I started my healing journey, I’ve learned so much about how to take care of my whole being – body, mind and spirit. But I feel like I’m just getting started! There’s so much more to learn. But here are my tried-and-true tips for detoxing your body and mind for a more positive outlook on life. These are helpful if you are experiencing high levels of stress, healing from tough times or feeling negative about yourself or things around you. 

Small Changes You Can Add to Your Daily Habits for Detox 

  1. Stay hydrated. Water is a miracle. It literally helps flush out toxins and keeps all your organs working well. I used to loathe drinking water, but I realized if I kept it ultra-cold, it was far tastier to me. Now drinking at least 60 ounces of water a day is a habit. My energy levels drop if I don’t drink that much.  
  • Pay attention to your diet. Making small changes to your daily diet bit by bit will make a huge difference along the way.
  • Switch from coffee to green tea.

It turns out green tea is credited with a lot of the same benefits as water. Coffee can dehydrate. Make sure you don’t drink it too late in the day, though, so it doesn’t affect your ability to sleep. I stop drinking anything with caffeine by noon.

  • Focus on sleep. Sleep is pretty much the most important thing for us humans. I have always had an unhealthy relationship with sleep and suffered through bouts of sleeplessness. Use essential oils and candles, turn off your screens 1-2 hours before you hit the bed and dim lights 30 minutes before bed. When I really can’t fall asleep, I take Melatonin, which is a natural supplement.  

Improving my ACOA relationship with sleep (jodylamb.com)

  1. Reduce sugar and salt intake.

I recently began using the MyFitnessPal app to track what I eat with the goal of eating more balanced meals. It was shocking to discover how much sodium and sugar I was unknowingly consuming when eating salads and other healthy meals because dressings and other toppings are loaded up with salt and sugar!

  • Limit alcohol.
  • Walk.

Walking is the best exercise in the world, in my opinion! It is sustainable and fun. I walk every morning and it puts me a great state of mind to start the day.

5 things I must do as an ACoA or I lose it (jodylamb.com)

5 Ways to Detox Your Mind

Mental health is extremely important and I’m so glad it’s getting the attention it deserves these days! It is as important as physical health. Mental detox is all about focusing on your only job in life – to take good care of YOU. It begins with giving time every day to supporting your mental health.   

  • Meditate. There’s no wrong way to do it.
  • Start a journal. Give 5 minutes to it every day. Don’t worry about grammar or being Billy Shakespeare. Just write what’s on your mind. You’ll be amazed by what you discover.
  • Practice yoga.
  • Go for a walk or hike. If you can’t go outside, walk in your living room, like me! The Walk at Home videos are awesome.
  • Set time limits on your social apps. Really, nothing good comes from spending hours on social media.
  • Talk to a therapist. I wish the whole world had a therapist! Everybody can benefit from talking with a therapist – whether you’re going through intense trauma today or healing from it or you just feel generally stuck in your life. If you’re not keen on the idea of being in an office, consider an online therapist. Earlier this year, my employer announced all mental health virtual visits would be covered be fully covered by our insurance – zero copays. That was the nudge I needed to get back into therapy. Things always pop up in my healing journey and it’s very helpful for a third party to take a listen and ask a few questions. It often makes me think about my situation differently, and I can see clearly what I need to do next.

Note: The thing about therapy, I learned firsthand, is that you may have to try a few different therapists to find the one who suits you. Don’t give up after the first chat. After my father passed away suddenly, and I was dealing with the chaos of grief and my mother’s substance use disorder, I went to a few therapists until I realized I needed to find one who specialized in grief AND Adult Child of an Alcoholic Syndrome/dysfunctional family stuff. When I did, it made all the difference. He just understood me better.

The best results come with prolonged healthy habits but small changes, like journaling, drinking more water every day, will make a big difference. If you only have 15-30 minutes to give to taking good care of you every day, make it happen. You’ll be amazed how just that small amount of time can do wonders for your mind and body – and improve your overall outlook on life so you can move forward with creating the life you want.

There you go! Now you have tips for detoxing your body and mind for a more positive outlook on life.

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New here? Hello! I’m Jody Lamb, a personal growth author and blogger.🔆Get simple strategies to create the life you want🔆 Learn how to heal from tough times🔆 Discover your next step. Get my book here. Subscribe for free access to my newsletter:

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5 personal growth strategies that actually work

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Are you fantastic at setting personal growth goals but rarely achieve them? Are there always roadblocks that prevent you from growing into the person you want to be? What if I told you that the secret to achieving your goals is having the right personal growth strategy before you get started chasing those goals? There are five personal growth strategies that actually work.

1.    Define what you want and why.

Don’t you hate it when it constantly feels like people around you are growing and changing, and livin’ it up while you’re stuck in place? Whether it’s weight loss, job promotions, vacations, or something else, other people make achieving personal growth goals look so easy.

Stop and think about what you really want. Who is ideal you? What are your traits? When you deeply consider who want to be, you may find that your true aspirations are different than you thought and different from the people you’ve been envying.

Once you have clarity on what your personal growth aspirations are, then move onto the step that is most important but often the one people skip. For every personal growth goal you have, ask yourself why you want to achieve it. For example, let’s say you want to lose 50 pounds. Maybe you thought that you just want to lose weight to feel more attractive, but you may discover that the real reason is that you are afraid you’ll develop heart disease and die at an early age like so many of your family members did and you want to be around for your children and grandchildren. Your health is a more motivating reason than looking good!

Or maybe you want to be a better friend to your friends. At first, you may think that it’s simply the right thing to do but you may realize that you’re carrying around a ton of guilt for past things you did or did not do. Perhaps all that guilt makes you feel unworthy of good things happening to you, which is subconsciously keeping you stuck.

Once you’re down the but-why trail, you’ll discover many fascinating things about yourself. Expose the true reasons you want to grow like you do, and you’ll create achievable goals.  

2.    Set goals in writing and visually, and don’t be afraid to start small. 

Ever set giant goals that feel achievable in the moment but end up totally out of reach? With your well-defined personal growth wants in hand, create goals that will help you achieve what you want. Small goals can have huge results that lead to achieving bigger goals so don’t be afraid to start small. Write them and create a vision board to reflect those goals and post it somewhere you’ll see it often. Something amazing happens to your brain when you have visual reminders about your goals and who you aspire to be. So, grab a magazine and cut out images that represent your goals or focus areas or hop on Google and get specific images. Vision boards do not need to be elaborate. The point is simply to keep you motivated. Currently, I have just three small images taped together and sitting on my bedroom dresser. It’s simple and effective because I see when I wake up in the morning and before I go to sleep. The reminders keep me on track!

3.    Create a habit system to achieve your goals and stick to it.

Creating the goals is the easiest part. Anyone can do it. The difference between being a goal creator and a goal achiever is commitment to a system. To achieve a goal, you must create a system of habits that lead to achieving the goal. Begin by figuring out how you can get from your beginning spot to the goal finish line. Map it out and define your required daily habits. Read James Clear’s Atomic Habits for the fascinating science behind habits and the life-changing results a system can bring you. It’s truly the tiny decisions you make every day that lead to the major results.

4.    Learn from setbacks and failures.

Think about a time in which you failed or experienced a disappointing setback. The memory may still sting. What did you learn from it? Probably a lot – and you probably pivoted and did it differently.

The journey to be a better person and live the life you want isn’t going to be smooth. You will fail, break habits and revert to your old ways. Recognize that tripping up or making a mistake is all part of the process. Be grateful for the opportunity to learn. Never give up. Learn and keep going.

5.     Stay committed.

Is there any worse feeling than regret? It nags at you because there’s nothing you can do to change what happened in the past. All you can do is focus on today and live in such a way that your regrets are minimal.

Most people never achieve their potential for a variety of reasons but mostly because they lack commitment to a well-crafted system. When it comes to your personal growth goals, you must put in the time and prioritize your goals. Life will bring abundant roadblocks. Thanks, life. Be committed and wholeheartedly believe that you will achieve your goals – and you will. The decisions you make today about your personal growth affects your future.  

There you go. Now you have my five sure-fire strategies to achieve your personal growth goals.

New here? Hello! I’m Jody Lamb, a personal growth author and blogger.🔆Get simple strategies to create the life you want🔆 Learn how to heal from tough times🔆 Discover your next step. Get my book  here.

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How to set healthy boundaries with your parents

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My parent is meddling in my life.

My parent is making me feel guilty constantly.

My parent is too involved in my life.

My parent is still relying on me for things they should do on their own.

If you’ve ever had any of these thoughts, you’re not alone. These days, it is common to struggle with a parent’s approval of your lifestyle, career, religious or other choices. Or, if you’re like me, you may struggle with detachment and feeling like it’s your job to take care of your parent. Fortunately, creating healthy boundaries with your parent is an effective way to mend or improve your relationship and it’s easier than you think. There are tried-and-true ways to set boundaries with your parent that will help you and your parent have a healthy relationship. For people who have an alcoholic or narcissistic parent or grow up in some other dysfunctional environment, healthy boundaries are extra complicated. But my tips for creating healthy boundaries with your parent are based on my own successful boundary-setting adventures with my mother who has a substance use disorder. If I can do it as an adult child of an alcoholic, you can, too. Are you ready to set healthy boundaries? Let’s do this!

First, recognize that your only job in life is to take good care of you. Then, identify the boundaries.

Embrace this fact to make boundary setting way easier. Question everything you do and the conversations you have with your parents. If something isn’t good for you, don’t do it. It’s as simple as that. I mean, if you must do a good job taking care of yourself, then it is important to protect your emotional well-being. Boundaries are necessary.

In case you need someone to remind you:

  • You don’t have to listen to your parent’s rants
  • You don’t have to participate in one-sided conversations with your parent
  • You don’t have to be a stand-in for your parent’s therapist
  • You don’t have to stand for your parent’s attacks on your lifestyle/career/relationships/political views
  • You don’t have to be an on-demand delivery driver for your parent
  • You don’t have to change plans because they need you to do something unexpectedly 
  • You don’t have to engage in conversation with your parent on topics that make you uncomfortable
  • You don’t have to loan your parent money because they’re not good at managing their finances
  • You don’t have to earn your parent’s approval

1. Get used to saying no.

Are you always saying yes to whatever your parent wants you to do? Been there. I’m a recovering people pleaser, too! There was a time in my life in which I couldn’t have imagined saying no if my mother called up and needed me to do something. It felt like my job as her daughter to do whatever she asked. No matter what kind of impact the ask had on my life, I did it. Drop what I’m doing? Okay. Change my plans? Okay. Pay for this or that? Okay. At an early age, I had switched roles with my mother, as is often the case with the oldest adult child of an alcoholic. I’ve played the role of mother and my mother, the child. For adult children of alcoholics or narcissists, this is the normal we’ve always known.

The first few times I said no to my mother, it felt very strange. I hosted Thanksgiving Day dinner one year for our extended family. After I had already planned and communicated a dinner time to everyone and purchased all of the ingredients for the meal, my mother insisted that I change the dinner time to earlier in the day and that I make other dishes instead because…that’s what she preferred. I said, “No, this is what the plan is. It works best for me and I’m not changing it.” It seems ridiculous now that it took courage for me to stick to my plans, but this is how much control my mother had over everything. Another time, my mother called and said she needed to borrow something and needed me to drive it to her asap. I explained that I had other plans and was headed out the door for another obligation. My mother sighed and complained. It wasn’t easy saying no, but it was very freeing and every time I did, it got easier. Eventually, Mom began being more considerate of my plans and my life.

2. Know that boundaries often feel wrong. Stay committed to them anyway.

When you set and stick to a boundary, it may feel wrong, but it may be the right thing for you. The truth is healthy boundaries with your parent will improve your relationship with them by preventing resentment and bring you closer, even when it feels like it’s doing the opposite at first.

In 2014, after my father died unexpectedly, everything I knew about codependency and boundary setting flew out the window. I moved out of my apartment and into my mother’s house because I thought it was the right thing to do. My sister needed me, and, well, I thought if I didn’t, Mom would die. After three months, I realized that all it did was almost kill my sister and me. I made the most difficult decision of my life and moved my sister and and me out of the house. When I packed up the last boxes and pulled out of the driveway, I sobbed and continued sobbing for the next three days. It felt like I was abandoning a sick child to die. Imagine how painful that would be. It felt so wrong, but it turned out to be what may have saved Mom’s life. Without Dad and me, Mom had to be an adult for the first time in her life. Within a few weeks in our own space, my sister and I began thinking and living healthily. The fog lifted, and I realized that it was absolutely the right thing to do for all three of us. Often, the most difficult, painful, terrifying decisions are filled with a lot of unknowns; you can’t see the weight of the decision until it’s in the rear-view mirror.

3. Lead with love and explain to your parent why you’re setting the boundaries.

Communication is important to all relationships, including with your parents. Recognize what boundaries you need to set with them and communicate it. If conversations with your mother about who you’re dating or not dating leave you feeling like crap, let your mother know that’s a topic best abandoned for your well-being. If your father’s lectures about your career choices makes you feel misunderstood, let your father know that’s an off-limits topic and that’s best for your well-being. If you don’t want to attend your cousin’s wedding because you’d rather cheer on your best friend in the marathon she’s been training for, decline. If your parent protests, say your friend needs you that weekend and your friendship is very important to you. If your Mom is calling to borrow money again, tell her you can’t because you have your own financial well-being to maintain. 

Be prepared that your parent will feel hurt or angry when you begin setting these boundaries. Always lead with love. Explain that you love them, but you’re focused on taking good care of yourself. Self-care habits and boundaries are important to helping you achieve your goals.

How to start boundary setting conversations with this statement:

I love you, and our relationship is important to me. But I feel _________ when __________. I am focused on taking good care of me. So, we are/are not going to __________. I need to ______________.

Remember that boundary setting may take time so it’s important that you stick with it. One day, I told my mother told her that I love her, and I’d always be here for her but that I would no longer accept her calls at night when she’d been drinking because they upset so much. I explained that hearing her like that made me sick with worry and prevented me from being able to fall asleep and I needed to take good care of myself. She said I’m selfish, and that comment echoed in my mind for days. For adult children of alcoholics, when a boundary with a parent feels really wrong, it’s probably really right for you. After that conversation, Mom continue to call me every night for 20 days while she was drinking, and I did not answer. This was hard for me because every call I ignored, I feared she was in trouble, and the worry ruined my nights. She finally accepted the boundary, called only on Saturday mornings and our relationship dramatically improved. I set that boundary nearly seven years ago, and it remains in place.

There you go! You’ve learned how to set healthy boundaries with your parent with easy-to-follow steps that will have a big impact and make it easier for you to live the life you want. Remember, your only job in life is to take good care of you, and that includes protecting your emotional well-being. Boundaries are an important tool to help you do that.  

Wishing you serenity.

New here? Hello! I’m Jody Lamb, a personal growth author and blogger.🔆Get simple strategies to create the life you want🔆 Learn how to heal from tough times🔆 Discover your next step. Get my book for free here.

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Note that I am not a therapist or behavioral health professional. I do not give advice. I’m sharing my personal stories as an adult child of an alcoholic in recovery in hopes that it is helpful for other people. Always consult with a behavioral health professional when you need help.

How to create a budget to reach your financial goals

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What are your big financial goals? Buying a house? Trip around the world? Kids’ education? Start a business? Get out of debt?

If you’re anything like me, you landed in grownup land with limited financial education. My parents always struggled financially, and they did not have the know how to teach my sister and me the money skills I’ve since learned on my own. Through my personal growth journey, I’ve read a lot about personal financial planning. Holy moly, were my eyes opened fast to how much I had to learn! Fortunately, there are so many books and free resources available online today that it’s easy for all of us to get financially educated.

A couple of years ago, I posted a video about how I spent most of my adult life lacking money-management skills. I’ve never been the type to overspend on unnecessary things, but I have a terrible history of being talked into extra spending by salespeople. People-pleasing adult child of an alcoholic here! However, since then, I’ve learned the importance and power of a budget and that knowledge has helped me minimize those situations.  

Defining a Personal Budget

A personal budget is a great way to assess and monitor your finances on a monthly basis, while also tracking your spending habits. You can design a personal budget any way that works best for you, but be sure to include these key elements:

  • Current Income
  • Fixed and Variable Expenses
  • Emergency Fund
  • Savings

Here are my top tips for creating a budget to help you achieve your financial goals:

Start With Your Income and Expenses

Starting with your current gross income, subtract all benefits and 401K investments to determine how much money you bring in on a monthly basis. Total your fixed expenses, which typically include rent, transportation, utilities, and maintenance, and estimate your variable costs, which often consist of entertainment and hobbies. This end total will be your expendable cash. Keep your savings in mind when it comes to delegating it within your budget, with most financial planners encouraging the 50/30/20 rule. 50 percent of your budget is accounted for by your fixed and variable expenses, 30 percent is free to spend on entertainment, and 20 percent is set aside into a savings account. If you haven’t already, set up a savings account with your bank and refrain from withdrawing unless necessary. This system is also a great way to reduce the chances of overspending beyond your budget, and ensures all debts are accounted for prior to spending on “wants.”

My bank has a spending tracking tool tied to my debit and credit card that alerts me when I’m nearing or over my budget for a particular category. If your bank doesn’t have that, there are several free apps you can connect to your account to do the same thing for you.

Determine the Best Type of Budgeting for You

Your budget should depend on your current lifestyle and needs, making it important to research the various budget options. The most common methods include:

  • 50/30/20 or 80/20 Rule
  • Pay Yourself First or Reverse Budget
  • Zero Based Budgeting
  • Envelope Method

Use a digital spreadsheet or a written list to organize the above information in a way that makes it easy to digest monthly financial statements and overall health. With this comprehensive outlook into the money you have for saving or spending, you can then determine the right budget for your current lifestyle.

Blogger Kalli Branciforte has helpful information about her financial planning journey and free budget tools. I like her free money tracker tool.

Be realistic about your budget. It’s a lot like exercising or anything else that requires commitment to a habit. If you can’t imagine life without your Netflix subscription during these pandemic days, keep it in your budget.

Like the 50/30/20 rule, the 80/20 rule divides up your income into 20 percent savings and 80 percent spending. This simplistic approach immediately removes your savings from your expendable income and determines areas in the 80 percent in which you spend the most to focus on the large expenses and ways to cut back. The Reverse Budget works similarly in that you pay yourself first by putting more focus on your savings prior to expenses and luxury spending.

Zero based budgeting, on the other hand, allocates every dollar that comes into a specific expense. When trying this budgeting method, your expenses should be equal to your income. This applies to the last option, the envelope method, as well, by forcing you to choose a purpose for every dollar you earn and placing these expenditures in different categories. You can organize these categories into physical envelopes, giving you physical cash to spend until there is no more left in the envelope, or you can place them into individual bank accounts.

I have not yet personally used the envelope method, but I think I should soon. Last week, the lady in line in front of me at the grocery store was using it. I asked her if not using her debit or credit card helped her control spending more effectively. “I started doing this three years ago,” she said. “I could never go back. It makes a huge difference because it forces you to pay attention to every item you put into your cart!” What am I waiting for?!

Map Out Your Goals

Once you have a budget created, you can begin planning for your future! Whether it’s to get married, make a career change, or buy a home, begin listing milestones you would like to accomplish in the next five to 10 years, and then move on to longer-term goals.

Around these lists, design a timeline that helps map out when and how you will afford each step. Estimate future costs and how long each will last and establish savings that will cover initial costs and set you up for a shorter-lived payment. This also aids in helping you figure out what you can afford. For example, if you plan on buying a home in the near future, analyze your budget and your loan options to determine how much you can realistically afford. This will help narrow down your options and prevent further setbacks.

One of my longtime financial goals was to buy my own home. In 2016, I contacted a mortgage company and was pre-approved for a HUGE loan. It was exciting and terrifying! It is super important to recognize that the mortgage amount you’re pre-approved for may not what’s best for your budget. Spend time really studying how much you can afford. I bought a house in 2017 with a loan that was much smaller than what I had been pre-approved for, and I am soooo glad I made that decision.

Take this time to also invest in yourself. Consider continuing your education or taking on learning opportunities that expand your career goals and assist in achieving money-related goals. Planning for retirement can be looped into this step as well. Reach out to your employer to see the benefits and 401K options they offer to get you started on the right foot! Most retirement plan providers have great on-demand webinars, videos and other resources on their websites.

Save for a Rainy Day

Building a budget and healthy savings is no small task, and it takes commitment and organization to be financially stable. Having an emergency fund is often an afterthought, but it’s important to keep yourself afloat in times of financial stress. An emergency fund should be separate from your traditional savings account and can be in the form of investments like a Roth IRA or a stand-alone bank account that is out of sight, out of mind. Whichever option you choose, ensure you have at least six months’ worth of living expenses in case, like the name entails, there is an emergency.

It’s also important to continuously track your spending when it comes to saving, which includes updating your budget based on fluctuating incomes, lifestyle changes, or after incurring large costs. If you find yourself struggling, use helpful resources like banking or investment apps, or reach out to a financial advisor for help. Your financial health is important, so don’t be afraid to seek professional assistance to keep you on track toward your goals.

Creating more income

During this budget work, you may discover that you need to bring in more income. I’m continually amazed by all of the side gigs that can generate money that really adds up! My friend is a Facebook Marketplace guru. She buys things at thrift stores and spiffs them up with paint and then sells them with a markup to people who are delighted with her treasures. Blogging is also a great way to earn extra income. See my free step-by-step guide on setting up a blog.

There are so many great bloggers sharing insight into how you can make money in your spare time. Check out the Making Sense of Cents blog and Rachel Cruze’s articles and videos, Chalene Johnson’s resources and Chris Guillebeau’s book, The $100 Startup, for inspiration.

Whatever your financial goals are, I wish you success in achieving them!

New here? Hello! I’m Jody Lamb, a personal growth author and blogger. If it helps you create the life you want, I’m writing about it. I’m an adult child of an alcoholic; I’m healing and enjoying the life I want! Get my book for free here. Subscribe for free access to my monthly newsletter:

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