ACOA

Most people say that they want a better life. So why is it that most people don’t actually succeed in doing it? It’s because we think we cannot.

Many people, especially those who experienced trauma as young people in group and dysfunctional environment, feel that these are the life cards they’ve been dealt. They are victims with a lifelong abuse. I believe that it is easier to change your life than you may realize. You don’t have to quit your job, leave your spouse, move to another state, and completely flip your life around.

Here are seven ways to change your life without really trying.

1. Believe in the power of your mind to make things happen.

The law of attraction is real my friends. I was recently assigned a project at work that wasn’t good for me or my organization that I work for. Now normally, in my people-pleasing ways, I will normally just go with the flow and don’t raise concerns unless it’s really, really concerning. However, in this case, taking on this project would prevent me from completing other important projects and would cause a tremendous amount of stress and pressure for me. That wasn’t worth it for me – or my employer. 

With my effort to take better care of myself, I was faced with a tough decision and effort to make this project simply go away. I went to my boss and mentioned my concerns. While she agreed with me, she felt that the project was too important to fight, as it was coming from a few of the key leaders for the organization. However, she encouraged me to express my concerns to other leaders if I felt very strongly about it. Normally, at this point I would proceed with just getting it done, even though it wasn’t good for me and despite my concerns. The next morning as I was driving to work, I thought, “This project is going away. I am going to dissolve it.” When I arrived at my office, I called a leader and expressed my concerns. To my shock, the leader agreed. Within seconds, she called other leaders. And. The. Project. Went. Away. Just one day prior, I was preparing to just suck it up, and get it done, just as I’ve done my entire life. I could not have imagined that I have the power to make things like this happen. All I did was make a phone call.

The mind is a very powerful thing. I made the decision in my mind to make something happen. And I did it. The universe didn’t make the project to go away. The law of attraction was at work. It gave me the confidence and the direction to make it happen on my own. After these small instances of the law of attraction at work, I’ve been applying it to larger facets of my life. I hope you do, too.

2. Spend more time with people who are better people than you.

It is often said that you are the sum of the five people who surround you most often. As an adult child of an alcoholic, I recognize the tremendous value and influence people outside of my family have on my life.

Over the last 10 years, I see clearly the closed-mindedness, the dysfunction and mental health issues of the people I have spent the most time with throughout my life. Once I begin pursuing my dreams and taking good care of me, I met more people who are like me – but better. I embraced these magnetic people whose positive words and stories of how they overcame and healed from tough experiences had a huge impact on me.  

I was stunned when I shared with them my dreams of writing and how much I loved it that they were so encouraging and supportive. I had never known such true givers. I made the conscious decision to spend more time with them and to give more time and goodness to them. I invited people to lunch and coffee. I joined writers’ groups and organizations.

The more time I spent with people like this, the more I healed and the stronger I became. This gave me deeper faith in the power of my mind to create the life that I want and deserve. Go where people are who you want to be like. Their words, actions and positive energy will influence you more than you know.

3. Take good care of yourself.

As an adult child of an alcoholic, I never learned how to take good care of myself. I did not understand self-care basics such as getting enough sleep eating properly, drinking enough water and making sure I was safe. You cannot possibly make good decisions to create the life that you want and deserve if you are tired and your body is suffering. Make a conscious effort to get enough sleep to care for your body, and it will have an extremely positive effect on the health of your mind.

4. Turn down the volume on unhealthy, toxic people in your life.

Everyone has people in their lives who we have to deal with – family, in laws, co-workers, neighbors, etc. – who we know are not good for us.

In my experience, we give way too much energy to thinking about the actions and words and behaviors of these people. Toxic people are given power unknowingly by people who are vulnerable to this – such as yours truly. I used to get all worked up over my mother and coworkers who could really just simply push my button. I would often think about things I should’ve said or done related to dealing with them. As I understand the law attraction today, I was inviting more of their toxicity by giving such energy and thought to them. Now, I am wiser and understand that my energy and thoughts should be reserved for positive things and people. The more energy I give to things and people, the more I’m going to get of them. So now I turn down the volume of these toxic people; I turn up the volume of the encouraging positive people. The sound from the toxic people are still there; I just don’t choose to pay as much attention to it as once I did. Once you make this dramatic shift in your life, you recognize the power that you have in your life. I may always have one jerky coworker but I have 30 inspiring, positive people in my life. That ratio tells me that I’m doing something right.

5. Live life like a sponge.

It’s been nearly 10 years now since I started this healing journey to build the life that I want and deserve. In those early days, I wanted so desperately for an overnight healing and to wake up with the perfect life. But I soon recognized that is a journey; there are great milestones – some coming at a rapid pace – on this healing journey. However, I know that creating the life that I want and deserve is always going be part of my life; it’s always going to be a process of education and understanding. As I’ve grown and healed over the years, I’m quite proud of my progress but I am humble enough to know that I always have a lot to learn and understand. The more I grow and become more satisfied with my life, the more I recognize how much I have to learn. The more fascinating, healthy, successful people I meet, the more I recognize what is possible. Education and the pursuit of being a healthier person is a must there is no final destination on this journey I must always be a sponge, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

6. Be 100% OK with being different than most people around you and in broader society.

The reality is that the majority of people do not take the more difficult road to create the life that they want and deserve and to be better, happier and healthier people. You have the power to live the life exactly how you want it to be. Ignore societal pressures ignore the people who comment that this or that is weird.

I used to omit information about my life in general conversation with people. For example, at work, a common question on Fridays is, “So, what are your big plans this weekend?” I would feel pressured to get a reply that would mirror that person’s plans –i.e. going to be a barbecue, hanging out by the lake, doing home-improvement projects, etc. It took me a long time to be OK with sharing that I was spending my time writing a book, reading or going to writer’s group event or making a video like this. I feared they would think that I was weird or that I was avoiding a “normal” life for whatever reason. Now, I realize that it is WAY easier to share my actual plans – i.e. I’m writing and I’m excited about it!

7. Give 15 minutes every day to something that moves you closer to the life that you want.

Never let a day pass without giving time and energy to what you love.

If you’re working in accounting in corporate America but you love being in a band. Do not go to bed at night unless you played your guitar your piano whatever it is for 15 minutes. If you dream of opening a small bakeshop, do not go to bed without sharing another creation on Instagram. Whatever your interest is, make it a part of your daily life. If you want to get out of debt so you have more money for travel, take the time to sit down and look at all of your essential expenses and make a plan about what you can skip. If you know that meditation or yoga is very good for your mental health and well-being, make the time.  If you need to wake up 15 minutes earlier every day to do this, do it.

You get what you give precious time to.

I hope you are so well on your healing journey and that you were actively building a life that you want and deserve.

What you feel are the barriers to change in your life? Let me know in the comments.

Jody Lamb is an author, blogger and adult child of an alcoholic on a journey to create an awesome grownup life. Visit JodyLamb.com. Twitter and Instagram: @JodyMLamb. YouTube: /JodyLamb. Facebook.com/JodyLambAuthor.