I am an adult now.
That was my first thought on my 25th birthday.
My car insurance would move me into a new bracket, labeling me less risky than a 24-year-old driver and rewarding me with a lower premium.
Yep, I was a bona fide adult. But I didn’t want to be.
Adulthood meant I’d truly failed at my lifelong quest to finally convince Mom to stop drinking.
Tears rolled down my cheeks and I pulled my comforter all the way past my head, stifling my sobs.
I didn’t want to get out of bed that morning. I didn’t want to get out of bed any morning.
Fortunately, my 25th birthday was the beginning of a painful, year-long realization that I was ill, and I had a very real thing called Adult Child of an Alcoholic Syndrome.
I stood at a fork in the road, staring at two paths:
- Path 1: Continue the well-beaten path of my family, stay miserable and eventually lose my life somehow.
- Path 2: Set out on an unfamiliar path and go all in on dramatically changing my life – without a clue how to do it.
Both paths were going to be horribly hard, but Path 2 also required courage.
This is it. Now or never.
A toddler on ice skates is more sure-footed than I was with my first few steps onto Path 2, but they put me firmly on my life-transforming journey.
if you’re standing at the fork, let me be the proof you need that life can change in ways you cannot even imagine – if you bravely choose Path 2.
How to Take the First Steps in Your Healing Journey: Get Educated
If you’re new to all this adult-child-of-an-alcoholic healing stuff, I recommend beginning your journey by getting knowledgeable about:
- What addiction is and isn’t
- How being the kid of an alcoholic affects you well into adulthood
- How you’re completely normal
It’s going to blow your mind when you discover how what happened in childhood shaped your adult relationships, self-esteem, and behaviors way more than you ever realized.
Check out my beginner’s guide to healing for adult children of alcoholics:
Books
I put together a list of my favorite books on the topics of addiction, Adult Child of Alcoholic Syndrome, and codependency recovery. Check out the list here:
If you’re in a busy era, consider an Audible subscription. Audiobooks help you learn on the go – such as while doing other things such driving, walking or cleaning.
Podcast
At the start of my journey, hearing other people’s stories was super eye opening. “Wow, they’re sharing MY story,” I often thought.
With ACA Toolbox Tuesday, you can listen to powerful stories from people who are recovering from the effects of growing up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional home. Episodes are recorded at the ACA Tuesday Toolbox meeting of Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) in Brooklyn, and they’re available on your podcast app of choice.
ACA Tuesday Zoombox | Podcast on Spotify
Start where you are and keep going.
Healing from growing up in a dysfunctional environment doesn’t need to start with a grand plan or eat up all your free time. Just start with something simple.
For me, it was reading. The knowledge I gained gave me the wisdom to discover my best next step.
Maybe you’re many years into your healing journey. The one thing I know for certain is that creating a life you love requires ongoing growth. It’s just like anything else in your life. You must put effort into your job, being a spouse, being a parent, sibling, friend, etc.
When you stop investing in learning, you stop growing. Trust me, it’s a slippery slope – I know from experience!
Just before my dad passed away suddenly in 2014, I was more than four years into my healing. I’d been a sponge to the personal growth world, but I had stopped learning and that curve ball scooped me up in a tornado and dropped me right back into my parents’ house as old self – codependent, terrified, and stubborn.
When you think you’re healed and you don’t need to hear the words of other people about healthy thinking and living, life has a way of testing you. You need the wisdom fresh in your mind.
Small steps, made consistently, add up to an extraordinary journey.
Start where you are with what you have.
I’m rooting for you.
