Earn helpful friends for your adult child of an alcoholic healing journey
If you’re an adult child of an alcoholic (ACOA), do you ever feel like the people around you may be bringing you down and keeping you stuck? What if I told you the key to getting unstuck may be finding supportive people to spend time with?
Jim Rohn said, “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
Is your current average going to lead you to healing and creating a life you love? If the answer is no, it’s time for a change. The people who surround you are most likely to influence your thoughts and behavior. It’s super important to spend the most time with people are positive, motivated and who lift you up.
Navigating relationships and building healthy friendships can be challenging, but deeply rewarding. Here’s how I grew a support system of understanding and compassionate friends.
How to earn supportive friends
1.Identify Your Needs: Start by reflecting on what you need in a friend. Do you need someone patient, non-judgmental or who has similar experiences? Do need someone who shares your interests and goals? Knowing what you’re looking for makes it easier to identify the right people.
2. Join Support Groups: Groups like Al-Anon and Adult Children of Alcoholics or similar support networks are invaluable. They offer a sense of community and understanding, providing a platform to meet others who have walked a similar path. Seriously, there’s an instant connection with people who know the pain of loving someone who has a substance use disorder. Not only do they know our story, they lived it themselves. There’s a bittersweet, undeniable bond.
For me, Al-Anon meetings were extremely impactful in helping me understand what steps I needed to take in my healing journey. Never underestimate the power of kind, supportive words from friends who are on a similar journey.
3. Be Open About Your Journey: While you don’t have to share your story with everyone, being open about your past experiences can attract those who understand or empathize with your journey. Everyone has been through tough stuff in their lives. Everyone. Even if they didn’t grow up with an alcoholic parent like you, they may have experienced something similarly tough. Many people grew up with narcissistic parents and it turns out their experiences are mighty similar to ours.
It takes courage, but authenticity fosters deeper connections. People are drawn to people who are real. Be you.
4. Find Communities Online: Online forums and social media groups can be a great resource. They allow you to connect with people globally who share your experiences. This is a great route for people who may not have an easy way to connect with people in person.
5. Do Activities You Enjoy: Participate in activities that align with your interests. Whether it’s a book club, writer’s group, hiking group, fitness or martial arts or a cooking class, doing things you love can naturally lead you to like-minded individuals who will be encouraging to you.
This step was a biggie for me – totally life changing! When I started my healing journey, I thought about the things I loved to do as a kid and I started doing them. This included writing for fun. So, I enrolled in a creative writing course at my local community college. There, I met other writers who invited me to join a writer’s group and I made new friends. Those new friends introduced me to other writer friends and, without much effort, I suddenly earned a whole new, awesome friend group. They encouraged me to keep writing and to pursue my goals. My life has been better ever since.
How to Build Relationships
- Have an open mind.
Always be open to making friendships with anyone. I’ve never had an expectations about age and background when it comes to friends. Some of your greatest friends could be entirely different than you.
2. Communicate well: In any relationship, communication is essential. Practice open and honest dialogue about your feelings, boundaries and experiences. It builds trust and understanding.
3. Be patient: Building meaningful relationships takes time. Allow your friendships to develop naturally without forcing it and sharing too much information too quickly.
4. Be supportive: Be the friend you wish to have. Offer empathy, listen actively and be there for your friends as they are for you.
5. Respect boundaries: Just as you have boundaries, respect those of your friends. Understanding and respecting limits is crucial for healthy relationships.
6. Celebrate small victories: Acknowledge and celebrate the steps you and your friends take in your personal growth journeys. Support doesn’t always have to focus on challenges but also on the victories.
Remember to be kind to yourself throughout this process. Building relationships as an adult child of an alcoholic (ACOA) can be challenging, and it’s okay to have moments of doubt or frustration.
Creating a support system as an ACOA involves understanding your needs, seeking out empathetic individuals and cultivating strong, healthy friendships. Remember, the journey of building relationships is not just about finding the right people but also about being the right friend. Embrace your journey with patience and openness, and watch your support system grow with understanding and caring friends.
Wishing you serenity.
