We’re careering into the holiday season, my friend. Family gatherings, festive dinners and merry celebrations may be some people’s fav times of the year. But for many of us who grew up in households with alcoholic parents, this time of year brings heaping, shiny, Santa paper-wrapped gifts of anxiety. They can bring back memories of painful, challenging times for those of us who grew up in dysfunctional homes.
As an adult child of an alcoholic, I used to 100-percent dread the holidays. And for good reason – some of the worst memories of my entire life occurred on Christmas Day and Thanksgiving Day, due to my mother’s alcohol dependence and the chaos that followed it. I thought I was bound to loathe these holidays for the rest of my life because they always brought about those terrible memories.
Fortunately, I learned how to handle those tricky family functions during the holidays and maintain my serenity through the season. I’m here to share how to cope with alcoholic relatives during the holidays and maintain your serenity.
Let’s jump in.
1. Set Clear Boundaries
First things first, friend – setting boundaries is key. Decide beforehand what you’re comfortable with and stick to it. Whether it’s limiting your time at the event or bringing a supportive friend along, you’ve got this. You have the right to set boundaries to take good care of yourself. If you do not want to go to a celebration because you know it will be nothing but stressful and triggering, don’t go to the celebration.
Seriously. Ditch the obligations. Your job is to take good care of you. If attending the event makes you sick with anxiety, you can choose to skip it. Ya can, ya really can.
2. Stay Focused on Yourself
Remember, you’re not responsible for your alcoholic relatives’ behavior. Focus on your own well-being, emotions and reactions. Take breaks when needed to recharge your emotional batteries.
3. Stay Close to Your Support System
Find your tribe – the friends or family members who understand what you’re going through. They can be your lifeline during these gatherings, providing a safe space to vent and recharge.
During the holiday season, double down on activities with friends and the people who bring you joy.
4. Practice Self-Care
Prioritize self-care like it’s your superpower! Exercise, meditate, journal or indulge in whatever activities make you feel centered and strong. For me, it’s about getting enough sleep, walking, reading, taking baths and having ample alone time to do whatever brings me peace.
5. Have Mindful Communication
If conversations get tricky, practice mindful communication. Stay calm, listen actively and express your feelings without blame or judgment. Sometimes, a loving heart can open doors.
Go into all family events mentally prepared to feel all the feels. Know that being around certain family members, such as your alcoholic parent may be triggering, especially if they are still actively drinking. Have the expectation that you may feel annoyed, frustrated, hurt, angry, etc. Allow yourself to feel those feelings and then let it go.
6. Create Your Own Traditions
Why not start some new holiday traditions of your own? Create joyous memories with friends and loved ones who bring positivity into your life.
A while back, I decided to completely overhaul my holidays experience by creating new traditions. For example, my husband and I now spend Christmas Day alone. We do all the family gatherings before that day, and that gives us Christmas Day to celebrate the day together.
7. Plan Your Exit Strategy at Events
If things start to feel overwhelming, it’s okay to make a graceful exit. Have a plan in place to leave the event if it becomes too much to handle.
8. Seek Professional Help
If you find that the holidays are particularly challenging, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with coping strategies and emotional tools to navigate these moments.
9. Remember Your Progress
Take a moment to celebrate how far you’ve come on your personal growth journey. You’re stronger and more resilient than you know. You’ve been through hell and survived.
10. Stay Grateful
Finally, always be grateful for the good in your life now. Focus on the positive aspects of your life and the progress you’ve made. Gratitude can be a powerful tool for maintaining a positive outlook.
The journey of healing and growth is not always smooth sailing, but it’s worth it. As adult children of alcoholics, we’ve learned to be resilient and compassionate. So, as you gear up for those family gatherings during the holidays, remember that you are not alone. We’re all in this together, supporting and cheering each other on.
Wishing you a holiday season filled with love, laughter and moments of self-discovery. Keep growing and keep focusing on you. You deserve the life you want.
