If you just googled “alcoholic parent” or something like that, hi. You, millions of other people and I have a lot in common.
Odds are: You spent your whole life trying to stop Mom or Dad from drinking. You cleaned up the messes. You thought you caused them to drink. You were confused and scared. Early on, you took on adult responsibilities. You became the parent, your alcoholic parent the child. Now you’ve grown up and shit still sucks. Perhaps your family’s cycle of addiction continues, and you have a substance use disorder or other addiction. Maybe you’ve gone the opposite path but still feel the same way you did as a child: trapped.
You probably feel like this crap is unique you and your family. You’re used to feeling alone in this. You’re used to feel not normal.
And you’re supposed to have the ultimate ticket to freedom in hand: adulthood.
In 2009, I was 26, and at the lowest point of my life. In fear that I would die somehow, someway if I didn’t get help, I finally admitted that I was majorly affected my beloved mother’s alcoholism. I realized that I was a shiny perfect example of an adult child of alcoholic described in clinical textbooks about childhood trauma.
As I began writing and speaking about my experiences with my alcoholic mom and codependent father, I fast recognized something that shocked me: I WAS SO NOT ALONE IN MY EXPERIENCES. It was both extremely comforting and terribly sad to discover that HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS of people living in my community, in my state, in my country and around the world lived variations of my story, felt like I did and had healed to create a better life than the one I’d been living.
Over these nine years, I’ve been on a healing journey and while I have a lot more to accomplish, I could not have imagined I’d be free from that sense of entrapment. Most of that can be directly credited to education and the stories I’ve heard from other people. They illuminated the path simply by sharing their personal experiences.
So to those who are recognize that they are adult children of alcoholics: You are not alone. You are normal.
Welcome to the beginning of your healing journey and creating an awesome grownup life.
Today, you are joining the global children of alcoholics community at a very different time than previous generations. The internet has enabled easier access to therapy and counseling by professionals with ACoA specialties for in-person and virtual meetings and abundant Al-Anon and other support group meetings. It has shined a search engine spotlight on the best books to get educated about addiction and substance use disorders and the effects on the people who love the people afflicted by it.
Most impactful for me, being an adult child of an alcoholic in 2018, is the connection with other ACoAs around the world.
I wish you greatness in your journey and amazing grownup life.
Jody Lamb is an author, blogger and adult child of an alcoholic on a journey to create an awesome grownup life. Visit JodyLamb.com. Twitter and Instagram: @JodyMLamb. YouTube: /JodyLamb. Facebook.com/JodyLambAuthor.
