As any adult child of an alcoholic knows, a parent’s alcohol addiction doesn’t only impact themselves; it deeply affects every member of the family. However, everyone reacts differently to trauma, and understanding the ways that your loved one’s alcohol addiction has shaped you and your family members is an important step in helping you find healing.
There are common roles that children of alcoholics adopt within their families to cope with their parent’s alcohol addiction. Being aware of these traits can help you better understand yourself as well as your siblings and know how to best move forward in your life. Here’s what you need to know about the 5 personality types of people who grew up with an alcoholic parent:
1. The Enabler
The Enabler, also known as the Caretaker, is the family member who centers their life around their alcoholic parent, trying to save them from their addiction while unintentionally making it worse. The Enabler’s desire to help their alcoholic parent often prevents them from experiencing the consequences of their actions and feeling compelled to change. If you find yourself taking on responsibilities and burdens that shouldn’t be yours, allowing your boundaries to be crossed without consequences, or making excuses for your alcoholic parent, you may be acting as the Enabler in your family.
2. The Hero
The Hero is the family member who copes with the family strife by overachieving. The Hero fills their time with extracurricular activities, work, and other pursuits that they feel will help them compensate for the ways their family may be falling apart. Overperforming in their own life is how the Hero tries to feel a sense of control when their family life is in disarray.
3. The Scapegoat
When someone is ashamed of their behavior, it’s common for them to shift the blame onto someone else. As you might have guessed, the Scapegoat is the family member who absorbs the blame for the consequences of the alcoholic parent’s behavior, even though they have nothing to do with it. The Scapegoat accepts the blame and may even begin to believe that their parent’s addiction and resulting behaviors are their fault.
4. The Lost Child
The Lost Child represents adult children of alcoholics who fade into the background and are overshadowed by other family members, leaving them alone and forgotten. The Lost Child often feels lonely and neglected, and may begin to believe that this is a result of their own inadequacy. As the Lost Child grows older, they may begin to feel resentment towards other family members for failing to care for them.
5. The Mascot
The Mascot, also known as the family jokester, is the family member who attempts to relieve family stress by creating humor out of the situation. When the humor is not positively received, it’s common for the Mascot to double down on their jokes as a defense mechanism.
While providing comedic relief may seem like a healthy way to respond to stress, in reality, it’s often a sign that the Mascot does not have the emotional tools to respond to the situation appropriately. Additionally, the Mascot may use humor as a way to compensate for their own insecurities.
Find Healing Today
Understanding the personality types of children of alcoholics and recognizing these traits in yourself can play an important role in helping you heal, but it will also help you better understand the behavior of your family members and other loved ones who have been affected by an alcoholic parent’s addiction. Everyone reacts differently to abuse, familial instability, and other trauma, and understanding the roles of children of alcoholics can help foster love, patience, and empathy with your family members and with yourself.
