As every daughter of an alcoholic father or mother knows, the trauma you experienced as a child can affect your life in countless ways. While the consequences of having an alcoholic parent may begin in your early years, they often last into adulthood and can impact everything from your physical health to your social and emotional well-being. Let’s be real. If you’re reading this, you already know you’ve been dragging around lots of heavy stuff for your whole life. It’s time to heal. You deserve it!
Although it may be painful to think about, as an adult child of an alcoholic, it’s important to understand the impact of growing up with an alcoholic mom or dad to find healing and move forward with your life. I grew up with a mother who suffers from an alcohol use disorder and my healing began with recognizing how much I’d been affected. I took a deep look at myself and the results were shocking. Once I penned the uber tall list of the effects that were hindering my adult life, I was free to create my path to healing and creating a life I love.
So, here’s what you need to know about how having an alcoholic father or mother affects a daughter or son and how to find the help you need:
Common Effects of Growing Up With an Alcoholic Parent
The effects of growing up with an alcoholic parent are wide-ranging and can be emotional, social, or behavioral. Here are some of the most common effects on kids who grow up with an alcoholic mom or dad:
- PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Low GPA and difficulty in school
- Fear and discomfort in social situations
- Separation anxiety
- Eating or behavior disorders
- Trust issues
- Difficulty maintaining healthy relationships
Any sound familiar to you? Although these are some of the most common effects that adult children of alcoholics experience, it’s important to keep in mind that every situation is different. While some adult children of alcoholics may experience some or all of these effects, there are many other ways that your life might be impacted by growing up with an alcoholic parent.
Common Traits of Adult Children of Alcoholics
While the individual experiences of adult children of alcoholics vary, there are common traits that many share. Some of these traits include (but are not limited to):
- Low Self-Esteem: Much of a child’s view of themselves is developed by their relationship with their parents. Unfortunately, many children of alcoholic parents do not receive the reassurance, security, and love they need, and instead often experience chaos, neglect, and uncertainty. This can result in a lack of confidence in themselves, both throughout childhood and into adulthood.
- Hypervigilance: Because of the lack of stability and peace in a home with an alcoholic parent, many adult children of alcoholics also struggle with hypervigilance, or a constant habit of expecting the worst. If you feel like you’re always “walking on eggshells,” you’re hypervigilant. Learn more about it.
- Difficulty Maintaining Close Relationships: Many adult children of alcoholics find it difficult to trust or be vulnerable with others. This makes it challenging to maintain close relationships.
- Anxiety: Lack of stable and secure relationships as a child often results in anxiety for adult children of alcoholics.
How to Find Healing if You Grew Up With an Alcoholic Father or Mother
If you grew up with an alcoholic father or mother (or both!) and find yourself struggling, know that there are resources that can help you heal and move forward. A skilled therapist, especially one who has experience working with adult children of alcoholics, can play a powerful role in helping you work through past trauma and develop new and healthy thought patterns and behaviors.
I’ve been on this healing journey for almost 20 years, and I am thrilled to share what I’ve learned along the way!
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Additionally, connecting with other adult children of alcoholics, building a strong support system, journaling, and other forms of self-care can play an important role in helping you move forward, heal from your past and enjoy a happy and fulfilling future.
