If you had a turbulent childhood due to your parent’s drinking, you have much in common with actress, author and entrepreneur Suzanne Somers, who healed from her childhood experiences and created a life she loved.
The late, great Suzanne is best known for her roles on popular sitcoms and was one of the most famous actresses in America. She went on to write multiple New York Times bestselling health and wellness books and sold millions of successful fitness products, such as the iconic “ThighMaster,” until her death in 2023.
I highly recommend Suzanne’s 1988 autobiography, Keeping Secrets, as an adult child of an alcoholic healing book. It’s a great read for people who experienced alcoholic parent trauma, anyone who loves someone with a substance disorder and anyone who wants to better understand the effects that addiction has on families. It’s a fascinating, inspiring tale of overcoming a dysfunctional family experience and achieving one’s dreams.
In the 1980s, when addiction was a taboo topic, Suzanne was one of the first adult children of alcoholics to grab the microphone and share her experiences growing up with the destructive effects of her father’s alcoholism. Through Keeping Secrets, she shared her story to help millions of other adult children of alcoholics who were suffering in silence. Imagine all those people who’d been keeping the same secret for generations! When Suzanne spoke about the book in media interviews, people turned up their TVs’ volume dial, leaned in and listened as she detailed the familiar stories and alcoholic family dynamics.
Suzanne’s story is of hope, resilience, bravery and determination. For those who’ve never experienced alcoholism in their families firsthand, some of the painful memories of her father’s drunken abuse might be difficult to read. But for those of us who’ve experienced those kinds of scenes in real life, it’s a welcome reminder that we are far from alone.
Suzanne begins her story by introducing her loving parents – a father who gradually fell deeply into the grips of addiction and a codependent mother who didn’t know how to get control of her family’s life. The disease of alcoholism nearly tore apart Suzanne’s family. For years, Suzanne and her three siblings didn’t get enough sleep because their father often returned home in the wee hours of the morning very drunk and began hours-long rants. Suzanne and her brother wet their beds until they were nearly teenagers, and they all suffered from extreme anxiety, which they hid behind wide smiles. When drunk, her father often berated his family, leading them to all have low self-confidence and never feel good enough.
Of the four children, Suzanne was the only one not to succumb to addiction herself as an adult. However, her adult life began with her being the troubled child of an alcoholic – a child whose early life experiences had shaped her into an insecure young woman who made bad decisions.
Suzanne got pregnant at 17, married the baby’s father and was divorced within three years, mostly due to her affair with another man. Poor and raising a young son on her own, Suzanne struggled for several years. Fortunately, she had an extraordinary determination to create a different life for her son and herself than the one she and her siblings had endured. She was bold, taking on all modeling and acting jobs she could get. At one point, she got into legal trouble when she wrote bad checks and even wound up in jail. The pivotal moment was when her son survived being hit by a car. Suzanne and her son began going to therapy, and everything changed.
Finding Healing and Empowerment
Through therapy, Suzanne realized that though she had escaped the nightmare life she had endured in her childhood, those past experiences had deeply affected her. Suzanne began healing from those experiences, recognizing her self-worth and respect and turning her life around.
“Life is not how you start but how you finish,” Suzanne wrote in the book.
She believed she achieved success in show business and as an entrepreneur because she healed. Suzanne is proof of how, despite the odds, people can overcome horrible experiences and make their dreams come true.
Her sister Maureen went to Alcoholics Anonymous and got sober. After a few years of sobriety, thanks to her dedication to participating in meetings and fully working in the program, she convinced their mother to attend Al-Anon meetings. Al-Anon is a support group for family and friends of alcoholics. Reluctantly, their mother did, and it changed her whole outlook. Then her father’s and their brothers recovered, too.
Suzanne’s family beat addiction and stopped the cycle in their family. It’s no coincidence that this all began when Suzanne healed. When one family member begins their healing journey, there are ripple effects. If alcoholism is in your family, you can stop the cycle, just like Suzanne did.
Here’s what Suzanne taught us about healing from the effects of growing up with an alcoholic parent and a codependent mother:
1. You can break the cycle of addiction in your family and create the life you want.
Of the four kids, Suzanne was the only one who didn’t fall into the grip of addiction. How was this possible? Suzanne decided early on, despite making many bad decisions as a young adult and reaching new lows, that she deserved a life she wanted. She invested time into therapy for years and credits her therapist, Mrs. Kilgrave, for teaching her how to heal and grow.
2. You can use the strength you built through your past traumatic experiences to take on challenges with extraordinary courage.
Suzanne and her siblings grew up in chaos due to their father’s drinking. He’d come home from the bar late and keep the whole family up until the early morning hours. Suzanne often fell asleep at school and got in trouble with her teachers, who assumed she wasn’t going to bed early enough on purpose. She had trouble concentrating during class and came to believe that she wasn’t smart because that was what her father said about her when he was drunk.
“Nothing was ever good enough for Dad,” Suzanne wrote. “All three of us had trouble concentrating in school. Maureen was a dreamer. Danny was, too, but in his dreams he knew he ‘wouldn’t do it.’ He was already feeling shut down. Maureen was always trying to be something she was not. The alcoholism at home was affecting our self-esteem. We stopped believing in ourselves.”
Fortunately, Suzanne discovered confidence when she got involved with theatre at school. Through acting, she could escape her reality and feel free. Suzanne had experienced and endured so much during her youth that she had the strength to confront setbacks in her career. She struggled for years to get modeling and acting jobs, but she kept showing up and finding a way to make it work while being a single mom.
The biggest takeaway from Suzanne’s life is that courage, determination and boldness lead to change and healing.
You have the power to break the cycle in your family and create a life you love. If you put in the effort to heal through education, therapy connection and self-care, an entirely different life is yours for the taking. If you grew up in a dysfunctional environment with a parent’s drinking or something else, please recognize that many people, like Suzanne, turned their lives into something they couldn’t have imagined when they were young.
The strategy Suzanne used to navigate her past was to be authentic to her therapist. Even when she knew her therapist would disagree with her actions or behavior, Suzanne shared the truth and listened when the therapist asked questions that helped illuminate her path forward.
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