Hello, fellow adult children of alcoholic parents, currently embarking on a healing journey! Today, let’s jump into a crucial aspect of our growth and well-being: the process of grieving the losses we experienced during our childhood due to having an alcoholic parent.
Do you ever find yourself overwhelmed with sadness when others share their warm, nostalgic memories of a healthy childhood? I can relate, as I continue to grieve the experiences I didn’t have due to growing up in a dysfunctional family environment shaped by my mother’s substance use disorder. Her own unhealed childhood trauma contributed to the cycle of addiction and I grieve that, too.
For me, figuring out I needed grieve my lost experiences hit me outta nowhere three years ago. During a trip to a putt-putt golf course, a seemingly joyful moment turned bittersweet for me. As I watched a group of carefree teenagers laughing and having fun, a wave of sadness unexpectedly washed over me. I couldn’t help but envy their freedom from responsibilities and worries.
Memories from my youth flooded my mind, and I realized that I never experienced that same sense of freedom as those teenagers did. Whenever I was out with friends, the weight of concern about home life lingered constantly. My mind was preoccupied with worries about my little sister and the unpredictable state of my mother’s drunkenness whenever I returned home. It seemed like all I ever did was worry.
The realization hit me hard, knowing that I didn’t truly feel a sense of freedom until I was 34 years old, after years of investing in education, self-care, therapy and hard work. I mourned the lost years of youthful freedom that others enjoyed so effortlessly. Tears welled up in my eyes, and for hours, I remained lost in my thoughts, reflecting on the journey it took to find my own sense of liberation.
Grieving what I missed out on in my life is currently a central focus of my healing journey.
Here’s what I’ve come to learn about the process of grieving and healing. It’s natural to feel a mix of sadness, anger and even confusion as we reflect on the things we missed out on during our childhood. But remember, we’re in this together, and we have the strength to navigate through the process of grieving and emerge stronger than ever before.
Here are some steps to guide you through this important process:
Acknowledge Your Losses
Take a moment to acknowledge the specific experiences, opportunities and moments that were lost or impacted due to your parent’s alcoholism. It could be missed celebrations, lack of emotional support, or a disrupted sense of stability. Allow yourself to recognize the significance of these losses in your life.
Feel Your Emotions
These feelings can hit ya when you’re not expecting them. When they come, lean into them.
Give yourself permission to feel the emotions that arise during this process. It’s okay to be angry, sad or frustrated. Embrace these emotions and allow yourself to express them in healthy ways, whether through journaling, talking with a trusted friend or engaging in creative outlets like art or music.
If you need to sob, let it happen, my friend. If you need to punch a pillow, punch it. If you need to yell at your alcoholic parent, write down everything you’d say.
Let yourself feel alllll the emotions. Trust me, you’ll feel better when you do.
Seek Support
Healing is not a solo journey. Reach out to a therapist, counselor or support group specifically for adult children of alcoholics. These safe spaces can provide the understanding, empathy, and guidance you need to navigate the grieving process. Connecting with others who have shared similar experiences can be incredibly healing.
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Practice Self-Care
Prioritize self-care as you grieve. Engage in activities that bring you joy, comfort, and a sense of peace. Take care of your physical and emotional well-being, whether through exercise, meditation, spending time in nature or indulging in hobbies that nourish your soul.
Embrace Forgiveness and Letting Go
Forgive yourself for any feelings of guilt or shame that may arise during this process. Remember, you were a child, and the responsibility for your parent’s alcoholism was never yours to bear. Practice self-compassion and release any burdens that are not yours to carry. Letting go of what cannot be changed frees up space for healing and growth.
Celebrate Your Strength and Resilience
As you work through the grieving process, acknowledge and celebrate your strength and resilience. You have overcome significant challenges and are actively taking steps towards healing. Recognize the growth and progress you have made and honor the courage it takes to confront and process these painful emotions.
Remember, healing takes time and everyone’s journey is unique. Be patient and kind to yourself throughout the grieving process. Allow yourself to heal and create a life filled with happiness, authenticity and well-being. You deserve it.
With love and support on this healing journey,
P.S. If you’d like to share your thoughts, experiences or any tips on grieving as an adult child of an alcoholic, feel free to leave a comment below. Let’s support each other on this journey!
