Experiencing a sense of normalcy and stability is crucial for a child’s healthy development. Unfortunately, however, this is not the reality that many children of alcoholics experience in their early years. Alcoholism wreaks havoc in the home, resulting in high amounts of chaos, stress, and instability that affect many aspects of the development and characteristics of the child of an alcoholic. Sound familiar? The effects of parental alcoholism on children are far reaching and often continue to manifest themselves into adulthood. See Common Characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholics:

Common Characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholics

If you are an adult child of an alcoholic struggling with trauma from your past, know that you are so far from being alone in this unfun stuff. The first step to healing is recognizing and understanding the trauma that you experienced as a child. So, let’s call it out now. Here are 3 things that don’t happen for children who grow up with an alcoholic parent:

1.  Feeling a Sense of Unconditional Love

Feeling a sense of safety and unconditional love is crucial for a child’s healthy emotional development. Unfortunately, growing up with an alcoholic parent often means this is something that you don’t get to experience. Sometimes we were showered with affection from our alcoholic parents. Other times, our parents were cold, distant and cruel. This emotional whiplash was confusing, disheartening and left us hungry for affirmation of our parents’ love that never came. It’s no wonder we grew up and face challenges in just about every aspect of our lives!

For me, not having a sense of unconditional love because of my mother’s alcohol addiction deeply affected my romantic relationships as an adult. I had the tallest, thickest walls around my heart, y’all. It felt safer to avoid love and the risk of getting hurt. See also:

Common Adult Child of an Alcoholic Traits Affecting Romantic Relationships

How to Overcome Romantic Relationship Challenges for Adult Children of Alcoholics

2.  Predictability

Children need predictability, both in their homes and relationships, to feel safe and secure as they develop emotionally. Unfortunately, children of alcoholics don’t typically enjoy a sense of predictability or stability in their homes. Alcoholism wreaks havoc and chaos wherever it rears its head, which can rock a young child’s world and have consequences that last into adulthood.

3.  Talking About Feelings

Lastly, those who grow up with an alcoholic parent often don’t get the opportunity to talk about their feelings and learn to express them in a healthy way. When there’s an alcoholic parent in the family, many children learn to bury their feelings, whether for fear of receiving backlash or to be strong and maintain some sense of normalcy in the home.

In my family, my father was codependent to my alcoholic mother, and he rarely expressed any emotion about the chaos that her addiction caused. Instead, we acted like nothing was wrong. I was afraid, worried and ashamed, and I suffered alone with those feelings for years (until I was 26 years old!).

Recognize What You Didn’t Get as a Child  

The impact of alcoholism on children is immeasurable and affects what happens to children of alcoholics through every phase of life. If you are struggling with the effects of growing up with an alcoholic parent, know that you aren’t alone. Acknowledge that you missed out on several things that are important to child development. That’s an important step to move forward. As adult children of alcoholics, there are many parts of our past that affect us as adults, but fortunately, there are many ways to find healing as you work to overcome the trauma you experienced as a child.

Best wishes to you on your healing journey. Related resource:

The beginner’s guide to healing for adult children of alcoholics