Do you ever feel you’re drawn to the wrong kind of partner? Do you end up in the same kind of dead-end relationships? Are you in the right relationship, but facing one or more issues you know stem from your past experiences? Do you struggle to maintain long-term relationships?
If you grew up with an alcoholic mom or dad, the relationship issues you experience as an adult likely stem from your childhood experiences. It is very common for adult children of alcoholics to develop challenges in their relationships later in life.
What if I told you there are solid ways to overcome these relationship issues? Here are a few ways to help solve relationship challenges for adult children of alcoholics.
Be committed to your healing journey and taking good care of yourself
For adult children of alcoholics (ACoAs), delicate issues can pop up when it comes to affairs of the heart. Healthy, happy relationships are so much easier to create when you’ve taken the time and energy to heal from your past experiences.
Before I started my healing journey, long-term relationships were difficult for me. I had built up many walls that prevented people from getting to know me more fully. It would have taken Godzilla to knock down those thick walls! It was easier for me to stay single than to risk falling in love and getting hurt. There was a 15-year stretch between my long-term relationships. Fifteen. Years. Yeesh. I had a not-so-lovely blend of fear of commitment with deep-seated trust issues. I was closed off to most men and emotionally unavailable to the ones who tried to date me. Finally, several years into my healing journey, I let myself fall in love when I was focused on taking good care of myself. Before I started healing from my childhood experiences of growing up with the effects of my mother’s alcoholism, I simply wasn’t ready for love. I am so grateful that I healed and made myself ready and open for a healthy, happy, long-term relationship. And now I’m getting married this year! Fourteen years ago, I couldn’t have imagined how life could feel. I am living proof that life can change in ways you cannot even imagine.
The reality is, if you don’t fully love yourself, you can’t fully love someone else. For adult children of alcoholics, the process of achieving self-love begins with learning what self-care means for you and making healthy habits. When you love yourself and you believe in what you deserve, you’ll attract and keep the right romantic relationships and find lasting love.
Create boundaries and stick to them
Boundaries are powerful, amazing tools that can free you from so many relationship problems. When you get into a relationship, communicate to your partner what kind of behavior you will and will not tolerate and what you plan to do if they do not respect your boundaries. This can be difficult, and it requires self-awareness and practice.
Communicate with your partner
It is super difficult for most people who didn’t grow up with an alcoholic parent or other type of dysfunctional environment to understand your struggles that stem from being the kid of an alcoholic. Do not assume they’ll understand why you behave like you do; our past world is unfamiliar to them (fortunately for them!). References for them:
Books about Addiction and Adult Children of Alcoholics Syndrome
Five Things to Know if You’re Dating an Adult Child of an Alcoholic for a Better Relationship
Do these things and you’ll be better positioned to overcome the common ACoA relationship challenges! Best wishes to you in your healing journey.
Related Resources
Common Relationship Challenges for Adult Children of Alcoholics
Congrats on your engagement! Hope you can be proud of yourself for your journey and growth. Thanks for keeping this blog; wishing you all the best for your wedding.
Thank you so much! Yes, I am very proud of how far I’ve come, and it’s in part thanks to the wise people who’ve shared their inspiring stories with me. Sharing about my journey on this blog is one way I can pay it forward. Best wishes to you.