If you grew up with an alcoholic parent, you might blame them for your struggles today. Ever wonder where to begin in healing from your experiences? Well, as the successfully-healing daughter of an alcoholic mother, I know there are important things you need to do to heal and get a life you love.
Here’s a life story, presented by moi.
My life 15 years ago was drastically different from the one I enjoy today. The memories are painful with a capital P. I was 25 years old and ***supposed to be*** having the best time of my life as a carefree young adult. Instead, I was consumed by worry and dread and wrapped in the chaos that surrounded my family because of my mother’s alcoholism.
I had moved back into my parents’ home with the goal of getting Mom back on track – a track she had never actually gotten on! Mom’s behavior had become destructive and I needed to be there for my little sister. But no matter what I did, I couldn’t get Mom to stop drinking. With a consuming job in corporate America, all I did was work and then come home to tame the chaos. I was in full-on survival mode and my life felt more hopeless by the day.
The future was BLEAK, and I couldn’t imagine EVER being free of Mom’s problem and all the fallout from it. I am the eldest daughter of an alcoholic mother and a codependent father. It was all on me to save everyone! It was exhausting, heartbreaking and defeating, and this role felt like a life sentence. If I could have seen my life now in a crystal ball, I would have scoffed. I fully believed I was in that hell for good. I thought Mom’s alcoholism ruined my life – and that of our whole family!
Now, I don’t know if this surprises you or makes you nod ya head like, “Yeah, I know how that feels,” but here’s where my story takes a happy turn.
At 26, I’d had enough and finally started my healing journey. I realized Mom’s alcoholism wasn’t ruining my life – I was! By being all up in her problem, I’d become ill. It wasn’t my problem to solve! I set out on the path to the life I love today.
If you’re still going through the kind of hell I was, you need to know I am living proof that your future life can be unrecognizable from the one you have today. Let me tell you: If I can do it, you can, too.
You need to believe you deserve a life you love.
And THEN you need to create a plan to get there.
If you’re just getting started, or if it’s been a while since you focused on this, here’s the system I followed to start healing and creating a life I love:
- Get educated. Understand addiction and Adult Child of an Alcoholic Syndrome, as well as the science behind it. Read books, watch TED talks and listen to podcasts. Your new knowledge about what happened to you and your family will blow your mind. It will help you realize your parent’s addiction had nothing to do with you, and you can control only yourself.
- Get a therapist who specializes in adult child of an alcoholic/dysfunctional family issues. It might take a while to find one who suits you, so don’t give up if the first few therapists you chat with don’t seem to get you. Be choosy.
- Create a self-care plan. I’m not talking about bubble baths and pedicures (although those are good, too!). I mean write down what you need to do to take better care of yourself and do it. For some, this might be as simple as making sure they get more sleep.
- Imagine the life you’d LOVE. My free vision board template can help you.
- Set clear, difficult boundaries and stick to them. My free boundary-setting planning worksheet can help you.
After being on this journey for 14 years, I can officially say…
This system’s the stuffs, y’all.
Wishing you well on your healing journey!
Resources
Beginner’s Guide to Healing for Adult Children of Alcoholics
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