Has anyone ever told you that you’re your own worst enemy? Or that you do things that confuse everyone all the time? I’ve heard that a time or two. And do you often feel like everyone’s making their dreams come true and getting what they want – and you’re not? I see you, and I get it. I was like that for years. What if I told you that the reason you’re not getting ahead is because you’re unknowingly self-sabotaging your life? After years of feeling like I’d never get ahead or accomplish any of my goals, I made a few key discoveries and today, I’m sharing them with you. You could be self-sabotaging as an adult child of an alcoholic, and there are tried-and-true tactics to stop! Are you ready to stop killing your chances to make changes and finally have the life you want? Let’s do this.
You are likely creating roadblocks that prevent you from accomplishing goals – and you don’t even realize it.
Don’t you hate when commitments and responsibilities pop up out of nowhere in your life and erase your plans to do something good for you? On the surface, these unexpected things may seem out of your control. But think about it more closely. It’s likely you’ve unintentionally put those roadblocks in place on your own.
A while back, I decided I would exercise six days per week, so I created a training schedule so that I could accomplish my goals. The schedule meant that I would have to leave the office by 5:30 every day so that I could get to a class at a local gym. But things got busy at work, and I took on a few projects that were very consuming and I had to work late…every day. Did I go to any of the fitness classes? Nope, and I blamed work. But the truth is I’d taken on those projects because I was not setting boundaries and I was not used to giving timing to taking good care of me. Also, I am terrified of disappointing people. Working on that! I created my own roadblock and killed any chance of accomplishing my goal. I failed to prioritize taking care of me.
So, how do you stop self-sabotaging in your life?
Healing from Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACoA) Syndrome is complex, and every person is different. If you’re getting started with your healing journey, check out my Beginner’s Guide to Healing for Adult Children of Alcoholics. I’m sharing a just few tactics that helped me stop sabotaging progress in my life because of my ACoA-ness and finally move forward!
Know that your only job in life is take good care of yourself.
Many adult children of alcoholics are skilled at overcommitting and taking on too many responsibilities. We do this because we grew up too fast and accepted adult responsibilities to make up for our parents’ behavior. We feel we are responsible for everything and everyone.
One of the best ways to stop self-sabotaging through over committing yourself is to approach every decision considering if something is the right thing for YOU, not other people. When you have this in mind, you will make better decisions and prioritize self-care and the time needed to take good care of yourself. This is way easier written than done, but as you get into a habit of saying no to doing extra things, it gets easier. Set boundaries and stick to them.
Believe that you deserve good things and a great life.
Do you get uncomfortable when people compliment you or give kudos? Me, too. It’s because adult children of alcoholics grow up and become mucho famous for rejecting compliments and dismissing recognition. We are never satisfied with ourselves or our accomplishments – yet we’re always seeking validation and acceptance from others. This can be very confusing for the people who work with us or love us.
Many adult children of alcoholics (or narcissists or some other type of dysfunction) struggle with deeply rooted feelings that we don’t deserve a good life. This is a completely normal response to the environment we lived in as children. One moment, we felt loved and accepted, and the next moment, we felt abandoned and unworthy of love.
So, how do you get yourself thinking differently? The best way to start is by setting and reading positive affirmations about yourself and the life you deserve. I know, I know. It feels corny and weird. I used to think that, too. But positive thoughts are extremely powerful, and they had a key role in helping me re-train myself to think about everything differently. Affirmations will help you stop blindly creating your own roadblocks.
Write down your affirmations and repeat them aloud daily – or multiple times per day if needed! Your affirmation could be: “My job is to take good care of me. I am loved, and I bring good to the world. I am responsible for my time and setting boundaries that help me take good care of myself and live the life I want. In my life, I have time to <describe your self-care activities> and I protect that time.”
I have a voice memo of affirmations on my phone that I play every morning to make sure I have the right mindset to make decisions throughout the day.
You can’t control what you experienced as a young person but as an adult, you have the power to heal and create the life you want. You deserve the life you want.
There you have it! I hope my go-to ways to stop self-sabotaging were helpful as you build the life you want! Let me know in the comments if you’ve discovered other ways you’ve been self-sabotaging as an adult child of an alcoholic or how you’ve learned to stop those behaviors.
Wondering how to get started on your adult child of an alcoholic healing journey? Check out the Beginner’s Guide to Healing for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
Wishing you serenity!
Note that I am not a therapist or behavioral health professional. I do not give advice. I’m sharing my personal stories as an adult child of an alcoholic in recovery in hopes that it is helpful for other people. Always consult with a behavioral health professional when you need help.
