Today is September 6, 2020 as I pen this update. What a year it has been! I hope you and your loved ones are safe and well.
Many of you have been following my journey for more than 10 years! I began sharing my experience to pay it forward, as I had been inspired by other people’s stories. Sometimes, you ask for an update about how my sister, mother and I are doing today. Well, here you go!
In 2016, I published a post and video detailing my story about the effects of my mother’s substance use disorder on our family. Thank you to the many people who read or watched and then shared their stories or encouraging words for others.
When I shared my story in that format, I was many years into my healing journey, but my father had suddenly passed away just a year or so before and life was difficult, as my mother, sister and I all adjusted to life without him. Now, four years has passed since that post, so here is the update:
I am living proof that your life can change in ways you may not be able to imagine today.
The key is recognizing that your only job in life is to take good care of you – and living by that fact.
This seems quite easy to unless you grew up in dysfunction!
Life update – me
In 2017, the time was right for me to prioritize taking good care of me. I had a new job that I really liked and created time for more of everything I love to do – reading and writing. I also bought my first house – one with a backyard with a giant tree and overlooking a creek. A perfect location for my favorite pastime – writing books under a tree. 😊
At 34 years old, I had my own life – truly my own instead of the one, big, messy life I’d previously shared my family. The second edition of Easter Ann Peters’ Operation Cool, my middle-grade novel, was published, and in my new house, I began making new memories.
Of course, I still have many adult child of an alcoholic (ACoA) issues including anxiety, interpersonal trust, workaholism, the list goes on. However, I have learned many skills and ways to manage those lifelong challenges.
Ladies and gentlemen, at one point in my adult life, I could not imagine being from free from the constant worry about my mother’s drinking and all the ways it affected us. I was obsessed with trying to fix my mother and convince her to accept help for her addiction so that we could all start living our lives. That was terribly overwhelming.
I learned quickly how critical it is that I continue learning through books, podcasts, videos and blogs and by surrounding myself with people who inspire me. It’s a lifelong journey with tiny changes that lead to big changes over time. Over the last several years, I’ve learned to set boundaries in my family, at work and all aspects of my life.
Today, I have a quiet, peaceful life with my awesome cat, Larry.
I work in health care communication; this year, with the COVID-19 pandemic, I’ve worked many hours every day. It’s been personally and professionally meaningful for me, though and I’m grateful for the opportunity to contribute at an important time.
I spend my free time reading, watching sitcoms, comedy films and standup comedy shows. Laughter is good for the soul. Of course, I’m still wild about self-improvement books and content; through the pandemic, I’ve also spent time with my friends who also love to laugh and share similar interests.
Life update – My sister, Brooke
Brooke is my guardian angel in little-sister disguise. She’s fun, kind and wise beyond her years. Brooke works n health care and is finishing her degree. We talk every day and have a lot of fun together. She’s a health guru and is always quick to share her latest advice on health living. Fortunately, it appears, she has fewer ACoA traits than I do, which I am grateful for.
Life update – My mom
Over the last few years, my relationship with my mother has evolved, and it is healthy. That’s right. We. Have. A. Healthy. Relationship. Well, healthier than anyone could have ever predicted. She continues to astound me. She still drinks (every night, I think), but I really don’t think about that because my boundaries are still firmly in place (e.g. she doesn’t call when she’s been drinking because she knows I will not answer) and I am focused on my own life. My mother works fulltime and is beloved by her coworkers. She found new purpose in her life.
The thing is my mother hasn’t really changed. I have changed – and that has made all the difference. My relationship with her improved dramatically the day I went to the library and got educated about addiction. I realized that while she chose to decline help, she had a disorder and her brain was forever affected by the alcohol she consumed. Her addiction had nothing to do with me, and there was nothing I could do to control it. All I can do is love her and keep taking good care of myself.
I will always have great sadness in my heart that I could not convince her to accept help in fighting her addiction, and I will always worry about her health and safety, but I have to take good care of myself and that’s what I am focused on doing. For this, I think my mother is also grateful.
If you are going through a difficult time right now, please take my story and that of millions of others as proof that you will you get through this – and there will a future time in which you reflect on your life today and hardly recognize it.
If you’re just beginning your journey of healing and creating the life you want, I wish you the best.
Keep taking good care of you.
Here is the video version of this post. Have you subscribed to my channel to never miss a video?
