“Adult child of an alcoholic” had little meaning to me before I picked up a few books back in my 20s. In literal terms, I knew that because my mother is alcoholic, I am a child of an alcoholic. But until I began reading books about addiction, codependency and being an adult child of an alcoholic and getting educated about what had happened in my family, I did not understand “adult child of an alcoholic” as the very real clinical cause of my challenges as an adult. I realized that I think and act the way I do because of my experience having an alcoholic mother.
When I read The Laundry List in the Adult Children of Alcoholics big, red book and Jan Woitiz’ Adult Children of Alcoholics, I was still very focused on Mom’s addiction and finding the solution to cure her. I did not realize how ill I really was myself. But when I read those traits and characteristics of adult children of alcoholics, it was like someone had seen a film of my whole life and concisely captured exactly how I feel as an adult. For the first time, I recognize that many of my traits such as the seeking of approval, the extreme sense of responsibility, the guilt and attraction to people I feel I can rescue or save – are directly tied to me having the ACoA syndrome. Oh, my goodness. My reaction to those words I read went something like this – OMG. That’s me!! I’m so screwed up. But I’m so normal.
Now, identifying with those traits was life changing. My whole life, I was focused on my mother, my father and my sister. I did not see how much I had neglected myself and, in the chaos, developed an unhealthy way of thinking and living. Then, I felt overwhelmed by the realization that I had so much work to do to reprogram my brain. I began reading about and meeting fellow adult children of alcoholics, who like me, read those ACoA traits and felt they’d been written about them. In their words, I found inspiration. I felt very hopeful and excited about the future. I recognized that all the feels, all of them, are real and normal and common.
Though those traits and characters have defined me for the first third of my life, I know that my strongest trait is my determination and belief that the life I want and deserve is coming to me.
I hope you are so well in your journey today.
