Fellow adult children of alcoholics and anyone with dysfunctional families, there is a something you should know about: the law of attraction.

I believe it plays a major role in whether you have the life you want or not. The law of attraction says that your mind is more powerful than the external factors that you believe are defining your life.

Recommended reading:

• The Secret by Rhonda Byrne
• You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Cincero
• The law of attraction explained in simple terms
• Lisa A. Romano’s Adult Children of Alcoholics Law of Attraction in Action

 So, what is the law of attraction?

Here’s my interpretation: The law of attraction is a rule that applies to all things in the universe. It states that whatever you are giving your thoughts to, you are focusing precious energy on and therefore, you are creating a magnet. This magnet attracts more of what you are thinking about.

The common analogy shared is that you are like a radio broadcast tower. Your dominant thoughts are your frequency. With your thoughts, you are sending out signals to the universe. Whatever you send creates the frequency and you receive more of whatever that is.

Most people say that they already use positive thinking and prayers when they want something to happen. But they may not realize that in the process of doing that, they are unknowingly sending signals about what they don’t want.

The thing is when you focus on what you don’t want to happen, you’re confusing the universe. It only sees the images as the message. The terrible images of what you don’t want to happen play vividly in your mind like a movie. You feel the negative emotion. It’s easier to create these images because you likely experienced it firsthand before. When we create images of what we want to happen, we are generating the movie reels that the universe will use to deliver that to you.

For example, if you want your job interview to go well, you should imagine every detail of that positive interview – how the hiring manager laughs at your jokes, never looks away when you’re talking, asks exactly the questions you’re prepared to answer. You won’t think about the past job interviews that didn’t go well – the questions that tripped you up, the way the hiring manager looked away as you talked as if hoping you’ll wrap it up. Because if you say, “I don’t want that happen to them,” you’re unknowingly telling the universe, “Make that happen.” The more specific and detailed you are in your thoughts about what you want to happen, you will make it happen.

That’s my interpretation of the law of attraction today. It’s important to know that back in 2008, two friends told me about a documentary entitled, The Secret, that described this phenomenon. I listened politely and thought, WHAT MALARKEY!!

Law of attraction super user

My mind was closed. Oh, how I wish I would have taken the time to dive in and learn about it because I would have recognized that I was a being who could have been a law of attraction case study detailed in academic books. I had constructed a mammoth radio tower and every day, I was sending massive, powerful signals out into the universe. And the universe was responding.

It is no coincidence that when those friends were telling about The Secret, I was entering the darkest point of my life. The last thing I wanted to hear about was some woo-woo book that excited Oprah.

It was the start of the U.S. recession and I was working long hours in a job. I did not know how to manage stress, so I was perpetually stressed out. My mother’s alcoholism was dangerously out of control. She’d lock herself in her bedroom and binge for days. She also drove drunk and got a DUI. I was essentially raising my sister and was considering petitioning for custody. During this time, I was completely obsessed with my mother’s drinking. If I found out in the morning that she was already drunk, my day was ruined. The rest of the day, all my thoughts were tied to worry and creating what-if scenarios such as Mom drinking herself to death, drunk driving and killing people or my sister coming home to a terrible situation. Of course, these scenarios almost always came true. I do not know how I avoided a nervous breakdown.

As this went on, Mom drank more, my relationship with my father plummeted, my sister’s issues with anxiety began and I plunged deep into depression. My dominant continued to be getting Mom to stop drinking.

I wholeheartedly believed that if Mom stopped drinking, we would all be happy. I could move on with my life. I was angry, hurt and frustrated. I continued to clean up Mom’s messes and be the grownup in the family. I grew resentful and this put stress on all of us. I snapped at my dad. I couldn’t fake smiles for my sister.

Hopeless and seemingly helpless, I felt I didn’t even want to go anymore. I had nothing to look forward to and the weight of responsibility was unbearable. I knew that if I didn’t do something to change things, I would die. My sister needed me, so I couldn’t let that happen.

I started the journey to change things still believing that the solution to all our problems was getting Mom to stop drinking once and for all.

A new frequency

But I soon realized that I was ill and needed help. I couldn’t cure Mom of her addiction. For the first time in my life, I saw clearly that the focus needed to be on me. My dominant thoughts shifted to how what I needed to do for me to feel hopeful again. I had loved writing as a girl, so I enrolled in a creative writing course at the local community college. I remember almost not going to the first class because Mom was in bad shape, but I forced myself to go. That class provided an escape into a world I had long buried – my world. In that class, I met a lady who invited me to join a writer’s group she was invited with. There, I was surrounded by positive, healthy people who inspired me. I made friends with more people and joined other writer’s organizations. I had a new magnet with a new frequency. I was using the law of attraction for good – but didn’t even know it.

During that time, I also started regularly participating in Al-Anon support groups and reading books about the ACoA syndrome. I learned that I needed to reprogram my brain. I met people whose stories illuminated the path for my own healing journey. The more I thought about what I’d learned, the more opportunities came my way. My novel for tweens about addiction was published. I attracted all of it with my thoughts and energy. Now, with understanding of the law of attraction, I am more fully using it as I build the life I want.

Like attracts like

Every day, I write down what I’m grateful for without that exercise, I’m unlikely to give thoughts to all of them. I’ve been using it at work, too. Avoid complaining and instead focus on what’s going well. Not surprisingly, more good things have happened. Plus, I am managing stress better.

Acting as if

Focusing on what I want is powerful. Whenever I feel my thoughts focusing what I don’t have, I shift to thinking as if I already have what I want. It guides my decision making. I have a recorded voice memo that I play every morning before work and every night before I sleep. I help as many people as possible as an author, speaker and creator. Then I say the specific amount of money I make because my goal is to do this for a living. This life is coming to me, I know.

There are so many stories out there about the law of attraction at work for hyper specific things, it will blow your mind and slightly creep you out. I think this is where skeptical ACoAs like me have rejected the law of attraction. There’s a lot of info flying around that makes it seem like it’s about making stuff magically appear. People are not sitting on their couches with cash falling from the ceiling.

All I know is that for me, knowledge about the law of attraction is about making use of my mind to shape my future. You must have an open mind and put in the work for the opportunities to come because of the signals you’ve sent out.

Send signals out to the universe about what you want, and you will have it.

I hope you are building the life you want.

Take good care.