Some people say that the future is already determined by their genetics, the trauma they experienced in childhood, by the way their brains are programmed – by the cards the universe dealt to them.
I felt this way, too, about my own life. I landed in grownup land and felt life was NOTHING like I’d envisioned it as a little girl. I felt as miserable as my alcoholic mother who addiction gripped her tightly. I felt as trapped as my codependent father.
This is it, I thought. This is my life. I was clinically depressed and heartbroken for little-girl me who’d had such hope for the future. In my journal, I wrote that these were the cards I was dealt in life. Unfair as it was, this was my destiny. I couldn’t imagine EVER feeling anything other than I did then and as I had my whole life: trapped. I didn’t want to go on anymore.
Around that time, I don’t think I believed in free will. Past experience = destiny. Everything was already determined.
But then I got better. I’ve spent the last 9 years studying people.
The most satisfied, fulfilled, “successful” people I’ve come across are living examples of going against the odds, breaking the destiny, creating their own future. There are stories of extreme trauma that would seem to write the future of the person in stone. But the opposite has happened. They take that those painful experience and that unique perspective and change their future.
These stories have convinced me that futures are not defined because the mind is extremely powerful. I believe wholeheartedly that you have the power to shape the future.
Henry Ford said, “Whether you believe you can or you can’t, you’re right.”
This is an extremely difficult idea to embrace when you are trapped in life circumstances that make you believe that you’ll never be out of it. When you’re just a kid or teenager without a means to support yourself, in a relationship with a narcissistic, addicted or mentally unwell person you love or have a family to support and bills to pay – whatever the situation is, it may feel like there’s no way you can change your life.
There are millions of people who experienced terrible trauma and whose genetics and addiction and codependency cycles in the families add up to create odds that they’re going to have this or that kind of life. But they told the universe, the Higher Power, their destiny: NOOOOO!
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Believe you’re going to have a certain life and it will happen – no matter how completely unrealistic it seems now.
The people who are unique enough to think that they will go against the odds to make something amazing happen are the ones who do.
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Have sharp focus only on what will lift you up and support the changes.
The thing about changing your life is that you will still have the negativity around you. The same people who put you down, who manipulate you will likely still be there. The people who don’t have your drive, your belief – all the people who won’t get what you’re doing – they’ll be there. This may mean that you need to spend less time with people who distract from your focus. Put on your music, podcasts, audiobooks and videos and listen and be inspired. Follow people on social media. Read books. Be a sponge to everyone who inspires you. Go to support groups. Find more people. Break societal rules. Live differently.
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Keep going.
There is nothing easy about changing your life. It is a journey. You will want to give up on the struggle. You’ll feel like a rolling stone – alone. You will say it’s unrealistic and impossible. Keep going anyway.
10 years ago, I didn’t want to live anymore. This morning, I woke up and felt abundant gratitude for this life that I never thought I’d have. And by life, I mean how I think – how I behave – how I live.
There are millions who’d share the same about their lives.
You own your future.
This is so inspiring. Thank you so much for sharing your story. There are a lot of people who are feeling so down like how you felt before, and I hope for them to see this and how you’ve become. Love lots, xoxo
Thank you, Karen!