Who am I?
Nine years ago, I finally got educated about addiction and realized that I’m an adult child of an alcoholic and I had been deeply affected by my mother’s substance use disorder. I’d spent my life taking care of everyone and raising my sister. At that time of awakening, my sister was getting older and more self-sufficient. I began focusing more on myself, I had a complete identity crisis.
I remember someone laughed when I told them I was having a quarter-life crisis.
I was a terrifying feeling. I had spent my whole life completely focused on other people. My 20s were all about working, keeping my mother alive and raising my sister. Beyond the roles of sister/mother, daughter/mother and Marketing Manager, I had no idea who I was.
Who am I?
I looked ahead. My sister would soon be a young adult and she wouldn’t need me the way she did as a kid. Years were passing fast – and I was getting older. I never formed my identity. There had been no time, no chance to do so because I was fully consumed by my mother’s problems.
There’s no way I can spend the rest of my life like this, I thought.
I know today that this is something that many people experience. They wake up one day after recovering from co-dependency tied to a parent, child, spouse or someone else. This can be related to substance use disorders or other addictions or simply unhealthy relationships and environments.
So, through my own education and experience, I’ve learned there are important things to do to discover who you are and the life you want and deserve:
1. Connect with little-kid you.
There is a ton of clinical stuff about healing the inner child. I thought this was malarkey until I read up about it. This is very real and very powerful
Little-kid Jody Lamb had grand plans for life as a grownup. I wrote about it in my diaries. I would write books and start a good-cause organization that helps people or animals. I would do something new every day, even if I had the flu.
I thought about that little-girl who had to grow up too quickly because of my family’s dysfunctional home environment. https://youtu.be/Q0IOMsw1YDY
As a girl, I loved writing, so I enrolled in a creative writing course at the local community college. Writing again brought me joy and a cathartic experience. I began running and walking and spending more time outdoors. It gave a sense of serenity that I’d never felt before.
2. Surround yourself with positive people who inspire you.
In the processing of giving more time to things I wanted to do, I met people who inspired and encouraged me. I hadn’t met those writers and dreamers, I wouldn’t be an author. I wouldn’t be typing these words and you wouldn’t be reading them. Those positive voices gave me confidence about my dreams and the life I want and deserve.
3. Learn how to take good care of yourself.
Since we gave so much of our time and energy to care for other people, it’s no surprise that we don’t know how to take good care of ourselves.
I had to teach myself the physical basics about getting enough sleep, eating properly and exercising and emotional basics about setting boundaries and saying no.
When you can think clearly, you have power you never had before. In “I Can See Clearly Now” by Johnny Nash, he sings, “Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind…” Word. When you are taking good care of yourself, you can see your purpose, your talents, your wants, your dreams – and discover who you are and who you want to be.
The more I am me and the more time I give to living differently, the more confident I am in who I am, what my contributions are to the world and what I want this to be.
It’s never too late to find who you are and build the life you want and deserve.
I’ve met so many people in their 50s, 60s and 70s, who through the magic of the internet and the amplified voices about the effects of addiction on families, finally find themselves, buried under layers of codependency and trauma.
I hope you are so well in your journey.
Jody Lamb is an author, blogger and adult child of an alcoholic on a journey to create an awesome grownup life. Visit JodyLamb.com. Twitter and Instagram: @JodyMLamb. YouTube: /JodyLamb. Facebook.com/JodyLambAuthor.
