People often ask me if I drink. I speak for myself only on this topic.
1. Substance use disorders and addiction run deep in my family.
I’ve seen what hell that brings for the people who experience that and the pain for everyone who love those people. Even though it’s the disorder and not the alcohol itself that causes this, I still feel it’s a poison that destroys lives.
It’s kind of like eating a certain food and getting food poisoning. You have an aversion to it because of bad memories.
2. I had my own love affair with alcohol.
Just because I’m the child of an alcoholic that doesn’t mean I am guaranteed to suffer from a substance use disorder myself. However, the research shows that I am much more likely to face that due to my genetics and because I grew up in a dysfunctional environment with an alcoholic mother and extremely codependent father.
I wouldn’t believe science if it wasn’t true that I had found myself on a slippery slope with my own alcohol use and dependency. For a three-year period, from around age 18 to 21, I had quite a relationship with alcohol.
If you’re interested in more about that period of my life, see My Story.
While my friends were drinking because that’s what people in college do, I drank because I found it gave me a magical effect. When I began drinking alone and I felt like I needed it to do things that scared me such as meeting new people, I realized that my relationship with alcohol was an unhealthy one. It was a slippery slope that felt so comfortable and warm. Like it was where I was supposed to be forever and ever. I knew that was a place that my mother and many, many other family members had stood before and slipped down, never to make their way back.
3. I’m not a good drunk, despite what it looks like.
I may wear a smile and tell more jokes, laugh harder and dance better. Inside, I feel terrible. I’m not in control. I can’t think clearly. Since I crave stability and predictability, this is not a fun state for me. My emotions are intensified. Those thick layers of anxiety may disappear with the first few drinks but after that point (and I have trouble stopping after a few), they reappear so I never end up enjoying the experience at all.
4. There are cooler things to do.
Drinking activities take up a lot of time. About 10 years ago, I realized that there were more interesting things to do.
I have a friend who, in our 20s, knew all about the stuff that was going on in my life at home. That was the peak of my mother’s alcoholism. She knew I was raising my sister. She invited me to hang out with her group of friends. In the summer, they spent the day on the lake, drinking, and in the evening, they gathered around a bonfire, drinking. Around that time, my closest friends were getting married and settling into grownup life. All social activities were tied to drinking.
I wanted to get out and do different stuff. So, I joined writing groups and met other people with similar interests. My friends they didn’t have those interests. They got used to it and they definitely wanted me to be happy, so they understood when I declined some invitations. Also, they realized that I could still have fun with them, even if I wasn’t drinking.
5. I’m so OK with living differently.
Drinking is embedded in our society. We make it sexy. And btw, you can still do many things that are tied to drinking and not drink. I live in Michigan, which btw, is the #4 state with the best breweries in the country, where drinking is the thing to do. Yet we’re living in this amazing, free world. You can do anything with your time. I’ve come to the realization and acceptance that I am so free to spend my time as I want, which may be very different than most people. I have other things that bring me joy. We all have our own journeys. I hope you are well in yours.
