Hello, holiday season!
Once upon a time, this was a terrible time for me as a child (and then adult) child of an alcoholic.
See memories here:
I don’t look forward to the holidays and I can’t imagine ever loving them because: 1) I miss my dad and 2) all the ACoA stuff – the memories of ruined holidays and being the adult managing everything in preparation for them.
BUT I’m gratefully entering this six-week stretch of celebration with significantly less anxiety than I had 10 years ago, 20 years ago.
Yes: Here come the holidays and I’m not even stressed. This adult child of an alcoholic has never been able to experience this kind of serenity. I can’t believe it. I have next-to-zero holiday-related stress.
Let’s call this serious ACoA healing journey progress, shall we?
But with this clear perspective and now more than usual these days, I’m thinking about the kids and adults in the thick of it all – right there living in the epicenter of the chaos caused by a loved with a substance use disorder, on top of the regular holiday chaos.
I hope they recognize what took me so long to realize: your only job in life is to take good care of you.
I hope they detach.
I hope they give themselves the gift that got taken from them as a result of circumstance: knowing how to take good care of oneself.
And I hope you are well in your journey.
p.s.
I’m buying my first house. I have all kinds of weird emotions about it. It feels wrong (I don’t deserve it – classic eldest kid of an alcoholic thinking) and scary (everything could go wrong!!!) and right (it’s about time – you should have done this years ago) and exciting (this is new and fun) at the same time.
Work is quite hectic. But it always is, because I am me.
I’ve been setting boundaries with Mom – pushing her to take care of grownup things. That ALWAYS feels wrong but it is right for me.
Jody Lamb is an author, blogger and adult child of an alcoholic on a journey to create an awesome grownup life. Visit JodyLamb.com. Twitter and Instagram: @JodyMLamb. YouTube: /JodyLamb. Facebook.com/JodyLambAuthor.
Ahh new house – how exciting, Jody!
Yes, of course you deserve this!!!!!
Nicole Clarke recently posted…Xanax, Anxiety and Addiction: Help for Benzo Addiction and Panic Disorders
Thank you, Nicole!
I have serious envy right now – I’m heading in the holidays with quite a large knot of anxiety in the pit of my stomach (well actually my throat, that’s where I feel it). Just speaking to my mom on the phone is like a massive tug of war – my old co-dependent behavior on one side, the new things I’m learning on the other. Sometimes I win and sometimes my co-dependency wins, either way I’m left exhausted. Unfortunately I’m unable to NOT go, too many other things tying me in, so I’m practicing detachment and boundary setting, but I’ll only really know once I get there how effective this has been. Thank-you for this post, it has reminded me what I’m working towards!
Hi, Candice. Exhausting is a great word to describe it! When I am being good to myself and not allowing myself to slip into co-dependent thinking and action, it feels so wrong!! When I make the right decision, it almost always feels terrible. I think about the decision afterward. I second guess myself. It would feel easier to allow my brain to operate as it was conditioned to operate. There’s always going to be this struggle but like anything else, I’ve learned, it gets more familiar and less exhausting over time. Best wishes to you on your journey, Candice!